Found at Last

Chapter I

I walk down the street. 

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. 

I fall in. 

I am lost... I am hopeless. 

It isn't my fault. 

It takes forever to find a way out. 

 

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street. 

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. 

I pretend I don't see it. 

I fall in again. 

I can't believe I'm in the same place. 

But it isn't my fault. 

It still takes a long time to get out. 

 

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street. 

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. 

I see it is there. 

I still fall in... it's a habit. 

My eyes are open. 

I know where I am. 

It is my fault. 

I get out immediately. 

 

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street. 

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. 

I walk around it. 

 

Chapter 5

I walk down another street. 

 

~

Sogual Rinpoche - Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

 

I was in a yoga class taught by Nadia Narain at triyoga  - probably circa 2005 - when I heard this.  Nadia read it out, either at the beginning or the end of the class.  It really made an impact.  So much so that for about the last year I have been trying to find it.  Googling half remembered lines and coming up nowhere.  And today I found it.  Funnily enough, I read an article in a magazine about Nadia, and googled her instead.  In the magazine article there were a few books she was recommending and, she really was, is, probably even more so now, a brilliant yoga teacher.  Heartfelt without being heavy or preachy.  And there's the quote.  Perhaps I should have googled Nadia before.  I am so glad to have found it.  Thank you Nadia.  I have read other things in my classes, inspired by your reading of this.  I am teaching on Saturday.  I will be reading this.  Namaste. 

New Stew

I tried a new recipe tonight.  "Brassica, Bangers, Beer & Bay" (that would be cabbage, sausages, beer and bay leaves btw).  An Abel & Cole suggestion that came in the veg box with yet another cabbage.

I really love to try out new recipes and despite feeling a bit shit and smarting from the realisation that I cannot please everyone at Christmas, nor indeed have my own way.... I  got stuck into creating something in the kitchen.

I have to admit it is one of my happy places.  Especially with a glass of good red.  Hub was a little un enthusiastic about the prospect of anything braised, but I am glad I persisted.  Not just because the result was truly delicious and enjoyed by all, but because, the act of cooking it, of conducting a culinary experiement, a small journey into the unknown, which also involved chopping vegetables, was exciting as well as calming.

hear hear to trying new recipes and hear hear to brassica with bangers beer and bay  http://www.abelandcole.co.uk/recipes/braised-brassica-with-bangers-beer-and-bay

Where Art is.

I have been thinking a lot about art.  and I need to keep writing about it, because its becoming increasingly important to me.  i mean I travelled half way across the globe to make some.  I think I needed to go that far to realise.  I don't have to go anywhere.

Its going to be an internal journey.  And an exploration that I can carry out anywhere.  I loved seeing Madelyn again - I love her whole being and the way she can transform anything into a sacred, poetic act.  Just being in conversation with her is a delight.

I also LOVED Tracy Verdugo's class. 

 

I have such a deep admiration for her, I am not sure where or when I met her online, but I know I knew that she hosted Flora Bowley in Australia.  And I feel that I have followed her from way back.  I love how she has taken the leap onto the international stage.  And she is a very good teacher.  She deserves her succes.  It was a great class.  And for me, having done Flora's class, this was definitely a continuation on the same path.  Not the same, but of the same....... mindset.  No, heart.  Heart is a better word.  It built on what I know and acts from a place that I enjoy.

Alena's class had me a bit frustrated.  I wasn't that happy with what I produced.  It felt soft and wafty.  I did manage  to bring it into some focus by the end, but it still felt....  a bit.... I dunno.  Not quite me.  It was good to experiment.  I guess I don't quite connect with soft focus.  I did, however like my quick sketch book page I did.  I guess this is part of the journey, making work you don't like so much.  Perhaps it was the most instructive class of all.

And yet.  All of it.  However wonderful the travel, the new experiences, the great people, the great teachers, the extraordinary landscape and the slipping back into the trusting and serendipity that travelling brings.

I know my work is here, where I am.  My journey begins now.  Here.

faraway and back again

its been a while.  I've been away.  All the way to California and back.  Oh and Spain too.  Get me, galavanting about like a jetsetter. 

Back now. 

I will post some of my favourite pictures from being away. 

And then I will tell you what I learnt

1. I can go further than I think I can
2. Everything I need is right here, right now. 
3.My art practice comes from within me. And I don't need to go to the other side of the world to practice.
4. San Francisco burritos are better
5. Serendipity rocks
6. I know what persimmons are and what they taste like
7. I like mixing colours
8. I like Diptique L'Eau Duelle
9. I like making altars
10. I am more edgy than whimsical (visual expression wise)
11. I am very lucky

What is your Real Work

I have been reading a book about growth mindset vs a fixed mindset.  And though Hub says I have a growth mindset, to me I just don't quite feel that I am giving my all.  Or that I am really trying very hard.  Its not that I am not trying or, that I am slacking.  I dunno. 

I am trying to work out where it is that I really need to dig in and WORK.

At work, People Who Do work, that is.  We have been considering the question, 'What is your REAL work'.  I can get very deep about this, and be all yogic and spiritual, and say my real work is Yoga.  Union of mind body and spirit.  Or working towards Samadhi to use the proper Sanskrit.  That is my work as a human being.

Then there is the work that I am 'called' to do.  And this is also pretty vague to be honest.  I mean, its not, its core and I really connect with it, but at the same time, its pretty general.  And can apply to anything.  LIke being an artist.  or Connecting people.  Making Magic.  Creativing 'pure magical energy and connection between human souls' Or on a personal level, being 'engaged, curious, vibrant and brave'.  This work includes my mini meta project of 'getting people to eat together who have not yet eaten together'.  I mean, getting people to eat together and meet while eating, and ideally preparing food together.  And making art or music together.

And then there is the Work of my household.  Which is practical.  Like cleaning and decluttering.  Parenting.  Parenting - now that is full on, all encompassing, fascinating and utterly important work.  Am I giving my ALL to that?

And then there is WORK like my work with People Who Do.  Which is helping people do what they love.  Helping THEM do THEIR real work. 

And there is WORK that earns money.  And my real work, in that respect is to learn how to earn as much money in as little time as possible, how to earn money in a way that is true to my values, and how to increase my economic value in the world.  OR  - increase my value to the world.  Perhaps that, To increase my Value to the world.  THAT is my REAL WORK.

how can I be of more value to the world. 

I feel that is the right answer to the question, 'what is your real work'.  And dammit.  Its a question. My work is to answer that question.  Its not entirely an answer really.  I am hoping that by keeping writing about it, I will come up with some answers. 

Hmm.  I could start with making each area of my life, more specific. 
How can I be of more value to yoga?
How can I be of more value to my household?
How can I be of more value as a parent? to my son?
How can I be of more value to People Who Do?
How can I be of more value as a connector?
How can I be of more value as an artist?
How can I be of more value to Magical energy and connecting human souls?

That is starting to make more sense.  On a doable practical level.   I like it though.  Its engaging.  I feel connected to it. 

Creative Sacred

I am very pleased to be able to write that since my last post, I have managed to keep to my regime of doing at least 15 mins yoga a day.  Its been easy and pleasurable actually.  I have totally enjoyed reconnecting on a daily basis with my yoga practice. 

I am not entirely sure why I put Creative Sacred as the title.  I was reading my blog list and thought I would check up on a few, this is in google reader, not the blog roll list, and there are a few I had forgotten I had signed up for.  Creative Sacred was one of them.  I remember it was a rather brilliant site by a dynamic young lady from London, who hosted creative salons and the such like.  I clicked on it, but it seemed to no longer exist.  I do recall, now, thinking about it, that she was going to stop blogging.  Which was a shame for me, as I enjoyed her blog.  But at the same time, I am sort of pleased it is not there anymore.  For this one reason only, I LOVE the name of it.  I remember reading that she had come up with it after reading a Danielle Laporte book about finding your words.  or style.  I read it too, and then sold it in a decluttering phase.  I really like the idea, that you chose your style and picked 2 words to give each a sort of dramatic tension.  I think Danielle's words were something like Sacred Dramatic. 

I really wanted to use Creative Sacred as it kind of summed up my artistic yogic thing.  I had other words too, and fundamentally found it bloody hard to just pick 2.  But if I was forced to, then Creative Sacred would have been it. 

I am gearing myself up for my 2 trips.  One to Ibiza with my son, and a friend of mine and her son, a friend of his.  We will be staying with our mutual friends who have a bar in the north of the island.  I am hoping for a relaxed week of warm sunshine and swims in the sea.  I hope its warm anyway.  Bound to be warmer than here, surely, and I do think the sea will still be warm-ish.  I will also be scouting for suitable villas to do a retreat next year.  Which is a plan I am hatching.

As for California.  Oh my.  I am excited and nervous all at the same time.   Hub is getting a bit grumpy and antsy as he is not keen on my going away, bless him.  I wish he were able to come with me, with Bub and we could all hang out.  Well, they could hang out and do other stuff while I did art of course.  Yes Call of the Wild Soul.  Here I come.  I am collecting my art trades, getting the stock for my table, printing out the supply lists and slightly panicking about how on earth i am meant to transport sheets of glass anywhere.....   And planning my reading list for the plane.

And thinking.  Wow.  This is all going to be damn Creative Sacred.  yup. 

I didn't Say it would be Easy. I did say it would be worth it.

Today I read this post  and as I often am.  I was inspired.  Oh my.  stop the blethering.  Its not easy but its worth it. 

Today I am beginning a new regime.  Yes, another one.  Its always good to start regimes I find.  This one isn't even that hard.  My minimum is 15 mins  Yoga a day.  I am going to run for at least 20 mins 3 times a week.  And the other thing is flossing. which I need to do 5 times a week to get my points.

I am going to be using the tried and tested kid friendly wall chart for my regime. 

Some mini goals

Top projects this week

do:work. mailchimp prep. 
NYR organic - host my first party.  Listen  / watch the DVD/  sign up to a training thing
Baby Sale - get flyers made.  Contact list of interested parties to get them to give money
Keep Fit - see above. on going.
Art Retreat Prep  - read the equipment list. order a big canvas and get it delivered to petaluma?? investigate. do 30 more.  shit.  man that is just too many.....  oh OK.  better do them.
yoga class. look at one venue


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