I made it back to Brighton.  Even thought there were 'severe weather' disruptions and absolute chaos at London Bridge station.  I got myself another £150 tonight for going to talk about printer apps.  Slightly odd to be honest.  Not sure that they are barking up the right tree but hey ho.  I am just glad to be paid and to be back home.  There still isn't hardly any snow here by the sea.  So I am not entirely sure why there is so much chaos on the rails. 

Team Next Level / Step It Up  is going OK.  I have garnered Thursday as my day of work.  Tomorrow is playgroup and Bub's French class. I have ordered some overalls online and I hope to be borrowing some tomorrow (in case the online purchase take 2 weeks to get here (adverse weather conditions dontcha know)  And I have changed the bank account.  Which should actually save us about £20 a month.  Bit of a shocker that really.  We were paying £17 a month and it seemed to have obvious benefits at first (eg RAC cover and holiday insurance etc etc) but presently we only need phone insurance.  And the £17 went up to £25 because we ended up having a 'premier life' account (which was offered to us for the same price as something else) but they have since changed the eligibility for.  I don't know why we even had it.  But there you go.  And me sposedly being a frugal and all.

Sadly the no sugar and 5 mins yoga / meditation mallarky is just a total FAIL.  I think I may rebrand that as having done at least 5 mins in the whole week.  Bums. 

And its the end of no spend November.  It didn't turn out like that either.  I was definately under until the last week when I went crazy for thermal base layer clothing for the family and other cold snap stuff like snow boots for Bub.  I also bought overalls, and a new toilet seat as our (actually pretty new) one's hinges just rusted to shreds in our  damp house.  I am sure I bought other stuff too, but all I know is that I didn't spend more than I had earnt on ebay in the month and it all seemed worthwhile and bargainous.   I think I stuck to about £260 all month.  Food was definately down (though there was untracked spending while I was away last week) and we are definately under £50 a week for the whole month.  And I earnt a massive £1356.  Which is the most I have earnt in a month since forever.  Its so sadly not really really masses.  But still.  Not bad considering the general enjoyable and part timeness of it all.  Bring on December and lets see how much bacon I can bring home!

moving it on....forward planning

I have been thinking about what the next steps are.  I have been thinking about my dreams and plans being as how I have been doing Amelia's Journal Your Dreams ecourse.  I am half way through producing some art work journal pages for it.  And its nice to be honing the Dream thing again further on from Mondo Beyondo.  I know I am not the only one who believes that by actively visualising and documenting dreams that you get closer to achieving them.  Hub and I had a 'Next Level' meeting.  Hub likes to name all our plans (e.g. Project Downstairs, ParticiPants, Team Go et al!!) It was majorly good to sit down and to discuss objectives with him.  We have a list of things to do by next Sunday.  Mine are:
1. I have done at least one drawing of H and O (a commission)
2. I have business cards done for my portraiture work (and facepainting)
3. I have bought some painters overalls and painted the wall in the sitting room
4. I have started on the xmas present list (and we have decided on the exact contents of the xmas hampers we are creating)

Me personally.  Because I love a list and there is a LOT of the week to go.
1. I have changed the bank account to lower the monthly fees appropriately
2. I have got the paperwork in order to swap the ISA to a better rate of interest.
3. I have done 5 mins of Yoga each day
4. I have done more work on my Journal my Dreams pages
5. kept a track of spending on food and personally
6. making space for MAGIC to HAPPEN by not eating sugar and spending 5 minutes a day on my own to 'meditate'.  And getting rid of some clutter.  At least one bit. 

This whole process has started me thinking of long term dreams again.  Like I have been thinking a lot about what gifts I want to give my son.  Not as in Christmas presents.  But things like, The Ability to Cook well.  Speaking a foreign language.  That sort of thing.  There are so many things you have to teach your children  -just so that they can survive well in the world.  How do you teach creative thinking, for example. How? exactly? I would love to give him that gift.  And to be able to budget and manage his own accounts.  And confidence.  I want him to have confidence, internal self confidence.... And to see MAGIC in the world.  To see its beauty. 

And then for my own dreams
A Studio. 
Go to ARt SChool
teach art (outside of the box)

Duck Pond Party Pictures

Here are some pictures of the really sweet and lovely party we went to yesterday.  Very Steiner influenced it was.  The children made hedgehogs out of pine cones and then made pizzas which they ate for their lunch.  While the pizzas cooked we all went out to feed the ducks.  Although the pond was frozen and the ducks weren't that interested.  We threw corn at the ice and broke off bits of ice to skate across the pond.  The sound of that was one of those really amazing sounds you don't hear often. 

saturday nite

I worked really hard for 3 days..... I went to London really early, worked a 10 hour day,  came back to Brighton, got up and went to London and worked a 10 hour day and then went to stay with my brother in London Fields, then got up went to work a 4 hour day and came back home.  To a call from mummy friend M to say where was I, because Bub was having a meltdown /  won't stop crying / is seriously upset.  I ran round to find him sobbing and sobbing.  He had gotten cold and was evidently tired and just beside his poor little self.  I was so glad I was back early and the gallery hadn't wanted me in on Friday afternoon.  We realised that we didn't really have enough winter clothing for him and that he is one of those people that really feels the cold badly.  I have spent rather a lot of money since yesterday on thermal long johns, thermal socks, thermal vests and a thermal hat.  I am about to buy some snow boot type boots too.  Or maybe some Uggs.  Either way all a stonkingly worthwhile way of spending the PayPal money I earnt selling clutter on ebay. 

I enjoyed the work I did in London, but I have to say I ate absolute crap for 3 days.  They provide croissants and sweets and coffees and while I did have a bit of fruit, I just wolfed loads of high fat, high sugar, high caffeine and  at the end of these long days, alcohol was available and I drank that too. I have a spot!  Not something that has troubled me for a long time!

Its nice to be back.  We all went to an utterly charming birthday party at Falmer Village this morning.  The children made their own pizzas for lunch and also hedgehogs out of pine cones.  It was lovely.  Tomorrow we have another birthday party which, handily, is just around the corner,

Bub fell asleep this afternoon when we went into town to buy thermal stuff - hence he is still awake.... and downstairs - again....

working working working

Am off tomorrow for 2 days of SOLID work.  These are going to be long ole days.  With commuting.  I a grateful for Hub and my friend S and mummy friend M who will be looking after Bub while I am gone.  I am very happy for all of them know him so very well.  I am relaxed that he will be well cared for.  I am grateful to the Universe for providing me with this opportunity to make some money for our household.  And that it can be in such a fun way too.  The weekend bodes two third birthday parties for 2 of Bub's good friends too.  Whew! Busy Busy. 

monday

I have got the Mrlster today.  All day minding.  Its OK. It is raining though which makes it all a tad awkward.  Two toddlers and a rainy day.   We will be making scones soon.  I have discovered that they are delightfully easy to make.  We may even make Easy Peasy Pizza too.  Which is like a scone based pizza and - um, its easy peasy.  


Nothing has really moved forward or backward or anywhere today.  Its just Monday and its raining and I have 2 toddlers to entertain.  They are currently watching Balamory on catch up as it happens so I can have a wee catch up of stuff like this.

WE have still been doing 'No Spend November' but as with any of our missions, it tends to drift off tack a little as it goes on.  But never the less its not been too bad.  We did buy Bub a pair of Padraig slippers. Which were a stonking £25.  It seems an awful lot doesn't it.  Considering how little we have been spending on anything.  But he had a pair last year and they are a bit stretchy so will last the whole winter and he loves them.  They stay on his feet and he is very happy to actually wear them about the house.  Unlike socks which just get taken off.  It is an indulgence I am happy with. 

Apart from that I did also spend £10 on my Saturday night out, and £1.70 on my Friday night out.  And I did go to a cafe and spank £3.50 on Thursday for no reason at all.  Hence you see how it has slipped.    But seriously even with  the slippers.... we are both definately keeping under the £50 a week mark by a long shot.  Plus I have been earning some quite good money.  Plus plus the food and household shopping is way down.  I have a budget of £100 a week (not that this counts really any more as we have no regular income) and we are definately down at the £50 a week mark.  Below it even.  Though we are starting to run out of store cupboard stuff (tinned tomatoes, oregano, Worcester sauce,  rice, pasta....)  and I can feel the need for a 'BIG SHOP' soon. 

an exciting few days

Its been all go in my life.  And not on purpose.  On Friday my friend B  - a brilliant musician - called me to say she would be playing with her new band, Zora and the Tatsmiths, in a pub just down the road and would I like to come out and see her play.  I finished my sewing and dashed off down the road.   They were really good and B was amazing.  I haven't seen her play before and it was wickedly excellent.   Then on Saturday I went for a training day at the Blue Dog Gallery in preparation for my first day on my own (today).  In the evening a friend was having birthday drinks  - and even though she lives miles away - the drinks were also - just around the corner to me.  I got there, and it wasn't just drinks.  It was a whole night, "SOmething Else presents CAfe Bohemia" and so I saw more brilliant live music, performances of poetry and drama as well as having a couple of bevvys and wishing my friend a happy birthday.  I also had a pretty good dance.  Always good.  I love it.  Socialising with friends, live music and a job (that fits around me and looking after Bub). xxx love M

how to get help

Have you ever asked the Universe for help? Has it worked? I just love the idea that we are not alone.  That we are supported by an unseen power that can back us up and help us in our lives.  I love the idea that "God is a woman and she's on my side".  Even thinking that makes me feel better.  I don't know if its all true, I mean I am not your traditional believer in God.  But you know, I don't know if it even matters, there is something about the act of believing it, that just HELPS.  And even if things don't seem to be going well.  The idea that life is unfolding AS IT SHOULD and its just not up to me.  Just HELPS.

Right then.  I'm off to eat my porridge.   YUM

universe I love you

Hub joked the other day, that it seems that now I can't even leave the house without being offered another job.  On Wednesday a lady from the Hanover Community Centre proposed I get paid to take on the running of regular table top sales at the centre.  A win win if ever.  I totally am behind the idea of people recycling their 'stuff' - I ran a couple of 'Baby Boot Fairs' where mums could sell all that baby stuff that never got used, or got used only once.  I made a bit of money on the door, and people made money selling their stuff.  And stuff was recycled back into the local community.  This way, I will be making the same sort of money as on the door, people will still make money selling their stuff (we will have themed ones specially for baby stuff and other 'normal' bric a brac ones) and the Centre will fundraise for itself.  win win win win I say.

And today M's mum (a friend of mine, who's wee boy I look after every now and again) just asked me for a regular one day a week  till March.   Brilliant.  I have totally decided that I am going to only look for part time work.   Ideally a nice weekend job in a nice shop or gallery or some such similar and maintain my primary carer status for Bub.  And maintain and increase my involvements in ARTistic Pursuits!  And also, investigate further the whole world of Creativity Workshops.  

eeeh ooop

Ah well, now its THursday and it seems to be that time of the month. Hence the wet weather and dreariness of the outside got to me a little, as did the screening of our FIlm club's film, Together by Lukas Moodysson. 

On the upside, I have got some more sewing labels work, which is actually really well paid despite it being piece work.  I am not sure if I am being paid right actually, bless the guy.  But what do you say? I have said, "Are you sure that is the right amount?" I don't want to have to insist on being paid less.  And I am getting right stuck into to the Journal your Dreams workshop.  Really enjoying Flickr too.

wednesday luck

Hmm.  Yesterday I made a pledge to myself to let the UNIVERSE direct my life, and sort out my problems (such as they are) and today.  Well things are good.  I do feel more relaxed about stuff.  And jobs just keep coming my way.  I have some more label sewing to do.  Nothing fancy about this, but a surprisingly good piece work earner.  If only this were more regular.  I have 2 supergroups coming up.  And then, one of the ladies who organise stuff at the Hanover Centre asked me if I would be interested in being paid to run regular table top sales at the centre as a fundraising activity for them.  Seems like a win win to me.  I really would like a weekend job, so that we have that regular money coming in.  And then on top of that I just have to cobble together work that creates earnings in excess of £1000 a month.  Not massive earnings lets face it, but a good start and will help us survive through the irregularities of Hub's payments.  I really don't want a full time job.  I would have to give up my playgroup.  I love my playgroup.  Its so good.  I am so proud of it. Mainly its great because great people come, but I do make a right proper effort to be welcoming and friendly and I think it sets the tone.  Everyone all seems to chat with each other and get on really well.  One thing I was proud of today, in particular,  was that a lady who came right at the start, told me that she usually went to another, very local, playgroup and she wouldn't be coming to mine again as it clashes, and she was only here because of some reason or other.  Well, fair enough I thought, I'd go to my nearest too. Then, she didn't sign in for ages, and I got privately really annoyed with her for not paying and started to fret about how to go about reminding her to pay.  And then I just thought, you know what, if she forgets to pay, so what.  Its her Karma.  And I forgot about it.  Then, much later, she did pay, and when she did I started talking to her, and I found out she was from Iceland (I love Iceland, its an amazing place that I travelled to a while ago, so know a bit about it) and we had a great chat.  And right at the end of the session she said to me, "I am going to come back here again, its a really lovely playgroup".  I am so pleased I didn't get all mean about her not paying. She was lovely.  I don't want to give up my playgroup.  So I am not going to.  I am going to have faith that things I love doing are going to bring me money and income.  I will still be looking, but only for part time work. 

The Girl Effect Blogging Campaign

I don't know about you, but sometimes I get charity fatigue.  I can't decide which cause is for me.  A few months ago I read an article in a magazine which I cut out and put into one of my scrapbooks -where mostly I keep pictures of cushions I want to make, or interior decor I like.  Its my cause, the one I want to stand behind.  I want to help other women help themselves and their children. The Girl Effect is on this case.  Help them.  Educate the women, educate the world.  Watch this video.  Donate.  Learn about how you can help.  Make a difference. 



Other useful links
Kiva
http://thekangaproject.org/

Monday Art Play

I was lucky today.  My lovely friend S came round to give me a cheque for 2 portraits I had done of her son. We hung out and drank tea, the boys played.  Then I went to help out at the Breast Feed drop in - it was quiet and mainly I just helped tidy up while Bub and his friends ran about.  After lunch Bub went round to his friend's house (me and his mum do a swap arrangement for child free time) and I just got stuck into Amelia's Journal Your Dreams online workshop.  I took her Experimental Art Course, which was brilliant, though I just didn't seem to be able to find enough time to devote to it - perhaps because I went away a lot in September, or perhaps because, somehow it wasn't justifiable to spend time doing something like that. . ..What I really gained from that course, was 1. its good to experiment, 2. her inspirations, her drawing on other artists, well its a bit like being in the company of someone who is at Art School.  Someone who is immersed in the world of art and artists.  I felt it was really nourishing parts of me that need nourishment.  I wasn't going to do this week long course, due to it being No Spend November.  But she was offering a pay what you can deal.  Also, I just feel that I am getting my mojo back and I really want to do more creative art stuff.  It makes me happy.  And happy is good. And quite frankly, I really do not see the point of not doing what you want to be doing in life, I mean, if you can, you really have got to spend your time doing things you like, because if you don't you will find that all your experience will lead you further and further down the path of doing things you don't like.  And that is no way to go.   So I spent the afternoon generally playing with water colour paint.  I am indeed very lucky.

the universe provides

It has been a good Monday. I think it followed a good Sunday. Yesterday the weather was deeply vile. Windy gales blustering and rain lashing cold against the windows. Not a day to venture out. Bub concurred, "I don't want to go anywhere today" he said. "Don't worry, we'll stay in ALL DAY". And so, while Hub grappled with a slightly uneccessary hangover and mainly slept, Bub and I hung out. Due to a spilt milk incident in bed, we had to change the sheets and do laundry despite the rain so we had the heating on, and the house smelling of freshly washed bedlinen. We made playdough (find the recipe here) we made green glittery playdough. And Bub played with the dough for ages. Then we both did washing up. All the while listening to a slightly crazy Sunday Worship radio show from WDVX all very gospel, bluegrass and southern fried. After lunch we made scones. Then I knitted and Bub played various games, happily, by himself, reading books to himself, doing giant floor puzzles or making train crashes (his favourite game). I just felt that it was so lovely that there was nothing really to "do". It was a relaxed day, in which Bub and I had lots of quality time together, sometimes doing something together, sometimes just in the same room or house, doing our own thing. Beautiful.

In the evening Hub and I WENT OUT - TOGETHER! (neither happens very often) My friend came to baby sit and while she indulged in a night of X Factor trash TV, Hub and I went to see the very amazing Neil Hannon play live at a small venue in BRighton. Oh he is a genius of songwriting. Proper cabaret stuff the likes of which Jacques Brel himself would have been proud. We were transported. It was wonderful to go and see something so LIVE and beautiful and inspiring and intelligent. Its the kind of thing that really lights up your soul and leaves you reeling with joy for several days.



And so to today. Today was good. I dropped off a book I sold on Amazon, saving the postage. AND The work thing seems to be happening right at last! The Lancing job (which I was so scared of) was not interested in me, because, quite rightly, they felt I would be off the moment something better came along and that it wouldn't interest me. Fair play. I chased it at the agency, so I did my keeno to get a job part. And I stressed again that part time would actually really suit me. Because today I got a Supergroup (with the possibility of another 3 dayer), the BBC rang me with a 2 week job and S is going to come around tomorrow to pick up and pay for 2 portraits. Bring it on, Mrs Universe! sending out rays of gratitude everywhere.

I was reading the Observer Magazine today, a column by Tobias Jones in fact I have read his work before, and I am finding it all very inspiring......

If you are interested in it, perhaps you would like to follow this link

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/nov/17/tobias-jones-woodland-commune

Mainly what sprung out at me, was this quote

William Morris wrote in A Dream of John Ball, "fellowship is heaven, and lack of fellowship is hell: fellowship is life, and lack of fellowship death"

I feel this extremely strongly. Friendships and family mean so very much to me. Without them I am bereft. And seeking my fellows, my Likeminds, is my true quest. More than perhaps anything else.

is death".

dream the good dream

when I am 60.
I want to be
fit and healthy.
lively and alive.
supple and strong.
an artist
a community builder / part of a community
surrounded by friends and family and colleagues - my glorious tribe
financially secure
owner / renter of an art studio
possessor of a large kitchen table that hosts lots of lovely friends and interesting aquaintances
an expert at something
passionate about life
loved
loving
confidant
cultured

Ok that's good for now.....

fight the good fight

I am finding it all too easy to slip into a right sad frame of mind. I do believe that we can choose how we feel despite circumstances though. So instead of feeding the bad sad feelings I am going to decide to feel the way I want to feel which is energised, upbeat and happy.

I am not going to let circumstance dictate to me how I feel. At least I am going to bloomin well try all I can to not let it!

Good things abound. My darling Bub is such a gorgeous wee boy. I have a groovy laid back Saturday / Sunday job in a sweet wee gallery in the North Laines in Brighton. And I will be able to find work that fits around that.

I can create the future that appeals. And if life is what happens when you make other plans, then at least I can feel good about it.

CHeers everyone and happy Sunday!

phew, well kinda

The agency did not call with a job interview in Lancing for Monday. I am really relieved. Although financially its not fab as we do kind of need the money. However it gives me another shot at finding something else before the dreaded work in an office comes up. God I so shoot myself in the foot! All that crazy energy going into getting that interview at the Reed Employment agency, and then all I want is to pour energy into finding something else! OH please let me find something I can do that is INTERESTING or with fun folk or somehow deeply flexible.

Hmm. No spend november got shot out of the water on Thursday with a massive £22. Train ride, plus a slightly insane splurge in a cafe. I am not sure what came over me, other than the menu looked so tasty. Today I spent £3.60 on swimming with Bub. But this is actually paid for by Granny's birthday present for him. Rather than give us stuff she gave £50 towards doing things with him. Like swimming and French Class. I think I might have run out now though - though Granny J also gave him some money. Its better than clothes I think. Speaking of Clothes, I got a huge haul from my friends sister again.

It was kind of a magic thing, like cosmic ordering (thought i don't really want to associate with Noel Edmunds in any way) because up in SUffolk I was looking at the Mini Boden catalogue and thinking I wanted to buy LOADS of it for Bub as it was so cute. Of course I didn't. And then L dropped off 2 massive bags of clothes from her sis. And in it, were LOADS of really cute Mini Boden stuff. And a dressing gown, which we really need. And some totally cute proper boys pyjamas. Total result.

SO please Universe - can I have a little bit more work that is cool and interesting and fits in with the other things I do and earns me enough to support us all through December and January? I am going to advertise my book keeping services again....see if anyone bites. And I may consider nannying. Locally. As long as I can take Bub with me. It could work. And maybe some other Galleries about town? hum ho. What ELSE? more portraits - of course......

job hunting.....

I went to Reed Accountancy today. Apparently I have lots of financial skills and they are going to rewrite my CV highlighting my experience in accounting terminology. Funny hearing that you have credit control, forecasting, cashflow, final balance etc etc on your CV....

Bad news is the expected rate I can get here in Brighton is £6.50 an hour or £15,000. OUCH. Talk about entry level.

On the plus side there maybe part time jobs I can do (I expressed a preference for part time, plus not Wednesdays so I can continue with my playgroup, the idea of not doing which really makes me sad. I love my little playgroup.

And on the very plus side, in a last ditch attempt to get a part time job that was not an employment agency minimum wager, I asked a friend about Christmas shop work and she came up trumps. I now have a Saturday or Sunday job in a lovely little Art and Craft Gallery. And that, makes me happy. I expect it will be at about the same wage level, but its a pretty place to work, and fits in with my desires to be involved in the arts world. Its a Polish Art Gallery. Its really cute.

http://www.bluedoggallery.co.uk/about+us

A Likemind Challenge - can you help?

For this month's Likemind.... We are to think of a city that could partner Brighton, England, UK.

Assignment: City Dating Agency
Bring with you a city for Brighton to copy / build bridges with / marry. And maybe a nice feature or project or movement that goes on there.
E.g. Portland http://www.wk.com/wke/show/dont_move_here/

Sheffield http://dontgo.co.uk/

I would love to know from any of you folks who live elsewhere (if any of you read this, of course!) if you know of any cool projects or movements I could showcase..... So far I have rebar from San Francisco, but I am sure i have read blog posts about others, but god knows I can't remember them..... Transition Town Worthing, though that really is a tad local.....

I love Likemind I ALWAYS meet someone inspiring, interesting, unexpected. Its just the bees knees in my book.

Lastly, just to let you all know, that the experiment of attacking my daily diet routine has actually resulted in me cheering up. Maybe its just the act of doing something rather than nothing that changes your feelings about everything. But it is good news never the less. Likewise I have been rethinking my long term goals in light of a conversation I had with Hub, who pointed out that I was freaking out as I was thinking too short term, where, if you want anything to improve, is possibly going to be shit for a while. LIke, for example, if you go to the gym, because you are overweight and unhealthy, its going to be pretty painful to begin with, but long term, its going to be a good thing. A brighter future. So, instead of panicking and focusing short (Omigod the jobs I can get right now are lousy, badly paid and depressing) I should think LONG TERM and see the bigger picture. I did a tad of research into 'career planning' - something I have never ever gone near in the past to be honest - and even that basically says, look at where you want to be in five or ten years time. And then speak to people who are where you want to be. And find out how they got there. And work it backwards from there. So with that in mind, I have really been thinking about where I want to go. And while it is about money, its also not about money. I want to be better off than I am now, but I also really want something I can be proud of. That is to do with me and who I am. Like I was talking to a lovely lass, who I know as a mummy friend. We don't know that much about each other's lives outside of motherhood. And she was talking about how she was applying for a teaching position at Central St Martins. Which is a massively prestigious art school. WOW. Teaching there, on the curation course (something I recall looking into at one point) and well, it just made me want to do something that I could feel WOW about myself. I realised, that for me, I need to keep my oar in the ARts, big time. Its very important to who I think I am and who I want to be. And so I spent a little time this evening contemplating the kind of person I want to be in my fifties and sixties. And I want to - firstly I want to do a lot of yoga, maybe teach yoga - secondly I want to work in the creative community. I want to work in the field of teaching creativity. I want to build community. I want to be green. I want to be wealthy (as in financially secure and able to eat out and go on holiday) I want to be fired up by what I do, passionate about it, and I want to be inspiring others, and I want to make a positive difference in the world.

Lastly and a tad randomly. I am very disturbed by how the big banks seem to be running the governments. I don't know exactly what to do about it. But there is some serious wrong doing going on which left unchecked could really be a bad thing for community everywhere. Profit motive is not good government.

Ah, no not lastly. Just to update no spend November is going OK. I got a good crowd at playgroup so income was good. I did spend £15 on Bub's French class (but that was paid for by Granny) and £7.40 on food.

no spend november week 2 day 2

well its week 2 of no spend november. And I have had 2 days of Zero Spend. When I say zero, that's just what we call 'personal spend'. I did spend £8.77 on food yesterday. And Hub bought some oven chips (grr) today for £1.79. But apart from that its seriously down. goes to show what you can do when you try. Last week the food bill was under £30. I haven't managed to do that, like, ever.

And I got a commission for a portrait today. Yaay. Its a friend and she has 2 children and wants one with both of them in it. I would normally charge double for that. I am not sure how she will take it. I guess I have to ask and back down if she baulks. Is that how you spell baulks? Balks? hmm.

I had quite a nice day, woke up at a leisurely pace, went to boob group, where I helped a couple of new mums AND had a nice chat with some mummy friends of mine who also volunteer. In the afternoon I minded J (my friends wee boy - we do a swap every week ish) Baked biscuits (cookies) with them, it was really fun.

I have also had porridge without milk both of these mornings, and mostly had soya milk in my tea. I have woken up and drunk hot water rather than the usual PG tips (strong black tea) and I have forgone my extra strong latte all as promised. I have eaten too many biscuits however. And I did have a glass of wine. ah well. its a semi detox.

I did manage a good walk down and up the hill this afternoon. Mainly in a vain search for Cream of Tartar. It seems that the dual Bicarb of Soda and Cream of Tartar, has been usurped by Baking Powder, which mixes them together. I need said C of T to make playdough and I am hoping that a bigger supermarket is going to come up trumps for me. Anyone else noticed this? Its like the old fashioned things are dissappearing from the shelves. I wanted to get some citric acid to make Elderflower cordial a while ago, and no chemist in our area sold it. Apparently junkies use it to mix up with heroin. Nice. hmm am now rambling.

from the forest

Are you a Mori Girl? I kind of lean towards it. A little bit fairy tale, a little bit homespun, a little bit natural fabrics, layered, a little bit vintage. Folksy I guess! I love what you can find out via the internet. There is this shop in Tokyo called Grimoire and its like a crazy themed vintage shop, with home made accessories and customised 1970s dresses from America. The inspiration for the style was Tasha Tudor - do you know her? She was a children's book illustrator and had a bit of a unique style, not only that, but she felt that she belonged to a previous life and recreated a sort of 1830's existence, spinning her own yarn and weaving her own cloth.... all quite extraordinary.

KNow Hope

(art by KNow Hope (cool name eh?) Photo by Christian Mayrhofer)

After despair, many hopes flourish
just as after rain
thousands of roses open.
Surrender to the Almighty –
and be led into life.

- Jalal-ud-Din Rumi

(with many thanks to Jen Lemen)

Two things I have read just now that make me feel better

firstly; and I am lifting this directly. Thanks to Cage Free Family

I am returning to doing what I want to do. I am releasing all ideas about what I should be doing and embracing the flow of things, moment by moment. In this I will allow myself to be carried by excitement and joy of doing my best in every moment, so that the series of moments run together creating the most beneficial outcome for me and for those around me. At the end of the day I will feel, neither drained nor taxed, but rather peace in having acted in accordance with what I value and want for my life.
I am going to allow my words and thoughts to reflect this new perspective as well. No more, "I have to," and no more "I need to." Instead I will have days filled with "I want to," and "I am."

and secondly. food for thought here.

There was also a post on Bindu Wiles about letting go. There are lots of posts about letting go on her site, I don't even remember which one hit home.

I am all screwed up in a mental ball at the moment. I guess it will shift when things shift. Or maybe I just need to get a new stance on everything. I am so angry and upset and sad by so many issues to do with who I am and what I want and what the hell I am doing. I am not it seems one of those wise bloggers who posts the answers to everything. I am wading through the middles of my mess and trying to make some sort of sense out of it. I want to go into massive details but I have promised not to get personal. Its my stuff. I mean, other people do not get so upset, so its me. Its me playing some sort of victim, refusing to let go of something I hold dear, that perhaps I need to just LET. GO. OF. I am a mass of shoulds and musts and trying. I love the letting it go affirmation from Ms Cage Free. I would like some of that in my life. And I so feel I am also walking around like a very very annoying person so wrapped up in my own troubles about how the world is treating me, that I am forgeting that I am treating the world badly and inconsiderately as I do so. I saw my dearest old friend today. She is shiny and happy and I felt quite constricted as I spoke to her. Unable to leap into ideas and play with possibilities and get excited about life. I know I can be full of life and energy and enthusiasm. Where has it all gone? Why do I feel so tiny, trapped, as if my real voice is unable to speak, like I am stuck behind some veneer of myself. I know the answer is just to forget about it, break out of it, break its hold over me, break free..... Something has got to shift. I am starting a bit of a health kick tomorrow. And am also going to try optimism, kindness and doing what I want to do. Its all worth a punt.... I cannot stay like this forever.

in search of trying something new to make me feel better

Maybe I could just sit in my funk. Or maybe I can try to do something about it. I was reading the local Hanover News and a holistic nutritionist piece. So in the name of action rather than inaction. I will be trying the following for the next week to see how I feel. If nothing else it will be a distraction from the unsolvable annoyances that have been bugging me of late. And while some may say avoidance is not the answer, I think, sometimes we need to distract ourselves from things that go round and round and go nowhere.

I am starting each day with a cup of hot water
I am not drinking my usual cup of kick arse coffee everyday (I will still drink tea though as I think a total caffeine detox might just make me feel worse not better)
I am having soya milk in tea and in my porridge
I am drinking plenty of water
I am trying a cup of green tea now and again, instead of PG tips
I am eating something raw every day / drinking a green smoothie
I am avoiding cakes and sugar

Sunday no spend catch up

Well, strictly speaking it didn't end up being a no spender. I spent £15 on lunch and on coffee and cakes. Hub managed to spank £32 (not including the train fare which we agreed could be a business expense) - it is amazing how quickly it adds up. But both these expenditures are very much down on the usual. Its hard to be totally no spend and keep up social occasions. All in all I am quite pleased. WE are going at it again next week. Mainly because we really do have no money. Its all a bit depressing having to dip into the savings I managed to build up. But I guess its better than being in debt. I still have to find a job. I have no idea how I am sposed to do this when I don't seem to have any Bub free time. I am also trying very hard not to be totally depressed about everything. I am not quite sure what the matter is, but I really do feel proper deep down sad and it doesn't quite seem to be going away. Saying it makes me feel a bit better. Its probably to do with not being able to find work and the arguments it has caused. THe household spend was way down too. I had a budget of £100 a week. Which seems like a lot to many of you budgeteers, but for some reason I found it hard not to come in under it. I have managed in the past to more or less stick to £50 a week. And this week I am very pleased to say has come in at £28.39. And mostly that has been to do with Hub buying eggs and ham for brunches. Otherwise I reckon we could have gotten away with just buying bread and milk.

I need to find a job. For everyone's sake. Its also hard to be around each other the whole time. Someone needs to get out of the house for a bit!!

the optimism experiment

gets to a point with whinging about things in your head, that it all gets to be too much like hard work going nowhere fast. I am about to try some optimism. This week

I get 5 commissions for portraits
I find a part time job that teaches me proper book keeping and works hours around my other commitments.
I am invited to do 2 new supergroups
my mum calms down about Christmas
I calm down about Christmas
I lose some weight from around my middle without even trying
I get a whole day to do art stuff
the art stuff I make sells instantly for fabulous prices and turns into a new avenue for regular income
I feel happy
I am happy
I dance quite a lot
I listen to some gorgeous music
I bond with my soul friends and this uplifts me muchly
Everything works out for the best
I eat really well
Hub gets a new well paid and brilliant commission

friday fin de la semaine... well almost

Had M to mind today. OK ish. Boys fighting a wee bit. Minging day so made biscuits in the afternoon which really passed the time enjoyably, although I do feel a tad sick after eating so many of them....

I spent £3 at playgroup, which was kind of necessary with 2 boys and a rainy day. So it comes off the £42 I earnt making the spend nothing and the earnings £39.

S did not come and pick up the pictures, so the income from them has to wait until another week. Its getting kind of necessary to get a job and its rather depressing to keep getting rejections from things I so could easily do. I don't really know how to up my chances. I still seem to have so little time to do the job hunt thing. I want to get out there and go ask people, I just feel a little face to face combat might generate more interest than a CV sent online.

Please, universe, can I have a 3 days supergroup before Christmas please?

oops

My lovely friend J came to visit today. And as a consequence, though I really can' blame it on her, I spanked £15 on lunch and coffees etc. Bums. That blew the no spend budget. Must think this visitor mallarky through more, before setting off to meet someone at the station.

Bub has been off colour for a while. Perhaps we all have. I am all mixed up slightly with motivation. I think I need some motivation mojo. Hub says I could do with a bit more positive energy. I feel slightly deflated at the lack of time I seem to have to do stuff. Actually, and here I am writing my blog. HA HA. Message number 2 from the Universe. I do know that people have built empires in the evenings after their wee ones have gone to bed. Goodness they manage well. I don't quite know how they do it. Mind you people have run marathons and all sorts and I can't imagine how they get that sorted neither.

But, I do have stuff to do.... here's a lovely Get STuff Done list

finish Bub's birthday thank you cards (is there perhaps an easier way of doing birthdays?)
make some cards for sale in a shop
oh finish our book keeping. YUCK why is book keeping for no money so hard to get around to doing?
My lovely art poster idea. I am planning to do this on SUnday when I have some Bub free time.

kerching and art all in one.

I just sold two portraits. I am very chuffed. That's £150 which will bring my weekly total up to um £275. Not at all bad. And again, realising that the art thing is not just wafty wafty pumpkin head nonsense.

I have these ideas for slogan posters, but done in collage and fabrics. I really think that they will work. I want so much to do them.

xx

I dunno. Perhaps this space really doesn't lend itself to being so very practical. I preferred the open hearted reaching and questing that it had become. And all the pictures and that. BUt you know, its all circular. It goes around and it comes around again, but different and further up and further along. Sometimes I feel I am wandering too far from my dreams, sometimes I feel I am losing touch with the ground and reality, but it just comes around again. I feel the stirrings of dreams and a real tangible quality to them. THings are changing. I can feel it. My 2 best friends contacted me this week. Both want to come and visit. I am making interesting life choices. And art is not disappearing.

here comes life. here we go again. wooo hoooo!

no spend november day 3

Well yesterday was a personal zero spend for both hub and myself. Hub spent £11.50 on food. Today is going strong on zero spend and I also got £35 from playgroup today. Marvellous and I am hoping to sell a portrait this afternoon. fingers crossed.

I applied for 2 jobs and contacted an accountancy employment agency. Hub had a diabetic issue yesterday afternoon, so I managed to avoid a trip to the job centre.....

I guess I am still hoping for something marvellous to just appear out of thin air....

Art Retreats

I just had a lovely chat with Cindy O Leary who runs the Artful Journey retreats in the US. What a really nice lady. It was inspiring talking to her and also interesting to realise how she got to where she is now took her such a long time. Working with the bigger retreats, getting to know the artists she liked, and wanted to work with, that are the really good teachers. Again it seems that to know how the whole artists retreat thing works, is to go on lots of retreats.... which all seem to happen in America... I am not sure how to progress. I feel I do have the right skills to do it, but I certainly do not yet have the contacts... However, the idea of starting up as a group of friends maybe with a tutor or two to give some creative shape to the proceedings....

So inspiring and informative a chat. And she is so lovely. Made me just want to go on her retreat immediately. Dang. And made me think that organising a creative retreat really is something I want to do.


No Spend November - at the end of day one - I spent £3.26 on milk and £18.96 on postage. Postage was work / ebay so covered and the milk, kind of sort of necessary.... bit annoyed as could have used the soya. Am still on normal mode. Earnt £27 baby sitting. No other spending. WEll done me.

November No Spend day 1

Does it count that we are only half way through day one? WEll, its all going very well so far. WE went to a party yesterday and spent £10.35 because of it. But I did take 2 things back to the shop which I might not have bothered with other wise, so I got £4.29 and £2.50 returned so it wasn't too much of a stretch and in fact we still have 4 cans of guiness, a pack of Doritos and some salsa dip left over - as they weren't used.

Its nice to have Hub on board with this mission. We are a team. Which is just the best thing ever. WE are also both on an earn money quest too. This week I am doing some babysitting which will bring in £75. Playgroup will bring in something - probably about £20 ish.

We all went to a friends house last night to a halloween trick or treat street. We dressed up, we frightened children who came to our door and doled out 288 mini mars bars. Bub had a ball dressed as a dalmation and roaring at trick or treaters. And it was so nice to socialise as a couple, nay, as a family! Hurrah!