job schmob

Today, I heard I didn't even get an interview for a job I applied for.   I really thought I was a total right fit for it.   I had spent 3 whole days answering the pretty tricky application form so I am a bit bummed out.

But, hey. Who knows what, or who, they had in mind.    What I have to remember is that I put myself into the arena.  I tried.  And therefore, at least according to Theodore Roosevelt, I did not fail.

I do however, have a very strong learning from this experience.   It is this:  That was the last time I spend 3 days of my life fretting and fussing over a job application form.  I will, devise a way to get through the rest of my life without having to fill in a job application form.  In fact, hencforth, I  VOW that I will never again fill in a job application form.

I have done pretty well so far.  I will admit.  I have had many roles in my life and I have only once filled in a "damn job application form" before in my life..... it, too, took 3 days of wording things as best I could -  that time, however, I did at least get the job.

But having got it (yay!) that job was not as worth having as I thought it was going to be (boo).  It sounded much better than it actually was and not only that it was paid really badly. I left pretty soon to go do something much more interesting.

So, in order to make myself feel better today, I am going to assume -  for want of no other knowledge on the subject  - that the same would have been true for this job.

So, Henceforth, as well as "NEVER FILLING IN ANOTHER JOB APPLICATION FORM EVER AGAIN" This job IS (in my mind at least)  a job that sounded better than it was.  It would have been mostly data entry and way more hours than it implied on the tin.  It would have been boring, repetitive and administrative. It was a job for which the salary was competitive only for a desperate recent arts graduate on their first run at the career ladder.  In short  - it is a damn fine thing NOT to have gotten it.

(.....Though rejection always smarts a little.......  )

Tonight I shall be talking with a lovely person about a collaboration that is certainly extremely interesting and will most absolutely, definitely not involve any form of job application forms.

ONWARDS and UPWARDS

anti perfectionist

I am not a perfectionist.  I am anti perfectionism.  I hate it.  I can't stand it.  Being perfect, that idea.  Stops me in my flow.  It makes me fearful, hesitant, and quite frankly, rubbish.

I need to go for it in order to access any of my brilliance.  I need to feel free and forgiven. I need to feel light, able to fail fast, f*ck up, start again, playfully, with grace and humour. 

My best work happens when I don't give a shit about the outcome.  I just immerse myself into the process, get down to the present, work with what is, respond, adapt, hone, get wild, step back, reassess.  Its a moving, growing ALIVE process.  Not a fearful, stifled, small, safe self conscious thing.

Its proper WILD.  And then, see the magic steps in.  Letting go of the outcome its the whole dancing like no one is watching thing. 

Perfection- is HOW THINGS ARE

and yet, HOW THINGS ARE is the most frustrating thing ever and needs a bit of WILDness to break it so that new things can form.

Now I am not making sense.  But hell.  At least I am happy. 

Brave, Curious, Engaged, Imperfect.  Enough

overcoming procrastination

Kicking procrastination, breaking inertia, getting going, unblocking. 

Its just all about that.  Sometimes it just takes a teeny tiny action to get it all moving along nicely.

I am fighting my own little battles with this at the moment.  One thing I do know helps.  And that is getting clear on what it is I need to do.  Sometimes it is hard to see the whole bigger picture.  Or know what road to take.  And then suddenly it all becomes obvious and a bit of a kick and things start moving again.

I made a website today.  Its basic, it needs as lot of improvement but its THERE.  And I ordered business cards and part of what I am doing at the moment is up and running.  It may start small.  It may stay small.  But its started and I am really happy that I am not stuck anymore.

I have another website to build tomorrow.  This is less clear yet.  It needs a lot of thinking, visioning and working out.  And it also needs new language and repackaging.  However, the seeds are there.  And I am not stuck either.  I have actions in place, and things are happening.  Slowly Slowly its forming.

I feel so much better

Last Night's Inspiration

I was doing a lot of thinking last night.  Born of frustration, of course.  Anyway, just wanted to share the following.  As  = well.... perhaps because, I am getting clearer.  Maybe. 

Creative Interventionist
Strategies and activities to keep inspired, engaged, curious and brave.  Keeping at the edge of play and excited about the future, my work and my life.

I have been thinking of names too.  Names are hard.  My initial spark was "Wildcard" which I still like.  Given that it has "wild" in there and has that idea of inserting a bit of random distruptive genius in there.  I also like "Blank" - mainly because it implies the whole new page, fear and absence, and getting to the empty space where new creations can happen.  And I like "Time & Space"  for many reasons.  Though it does imply something to do with the Tardis.  Somehow.  Or even just "Space"

Anyway.  Those are my thoughts for the morning.

Bub's 2nd front tooth came out this morning.  It has been hanging by a thread for days now it seems.  I really thought it would come out yesterday, or in the night.  But there is was dangling sideways this morning.  Poor Bub would not eat.  He said he felt ill and went back to bed.  I called him in sick.  But then, he just pulled his tooth out.  It didn't hurt and he felt better, hungry and able and wanting to go to school.

So I am off to a meet up.  I love a meet up.  This one is in Emporium with Ev Day.  Who makes the most amazing chocolate cakes, which selon her new tag line, "taste as good as they look'

See ya!

sunday. the day after the longest day

Don't tell me the nights are drawing in again already.  Hub is a way, which makes the house very quiet.  No football blaring away, which I like!!

I found a whole bunch of old diaries / journals.  I found the fact that I wrote the same sort of things in them as I still am writing rather depressing.  So I threw them all away.  Hide the evidence, I say.  It made me feel that I hadn't really made any progress even though I really feel like I have.  Maybe the issues I was trying to solve then, will be the same issues forever.  Maybe I just know what I like and what I want to move towards.  And some of them are things like.  I want to live in a beautiful house.  I guess that wherever I get to on the quest to live in a beautiful house, I will always be thinking of ways to make it even more beautiful.  At least I am telling myself that right now.

As of Monday I will be taking part in a Do Something Different process.  I will be sent 'Dos" by email and on my phone.  And I am expected to do them, obviously.  They are supposed to be things that are outside of my normal remit, based on some responses to questions about how I normally behave.  I recall being very average in my responses.  I am not really an introvert nor an extrovert.  Anyway, I am intruiged to find out what it will ask me to do.  I really do want to do something different.  Given that I seem to be trying to do the same thing for about 6 years.  Maybe I should stop trying and  - well, you know, do something else instead. 

And its not as if there has been no progress.  To be fair.  I have had 'yoga' on my lists forever.  And I am now actually a qualifed and practicing yoga teacher.  Which is progress.  And art, I am now teaching art and creativity.  I have a body of work.  I think this is the next thing to get a real injection of attention and action.  This painting thing.  I want to do that.  You know.... more.

And I did find local well paid interesting work, I got married and I had a baby, who is now a boy.  I guess horsebox escape vehicle and - the old "earn more: work less" mission. 

I am managing the work less bit.  at least.  HA!  get me. 

I am veering wildly between extreme optimism and a sort of slightly lethargic pessimism.  I had a brainwave as to the name of my new Creativity Business.  Only to find the .co.uk taken by a PR company.  And one which is similar to what I want to do.  And I got all less driven again.  I guess I need to investigate that further.  As it was a good name.  Keeping that driven sort of enthusiastic high belief.  That's the trick.  Its a damned fine idea.  I just need to.... try.  Put it out there, get the flack.  Put it into the arena.  And keep trying. 

vision

I paint vast canvasses that sell for vast amounts of money.  I travel internationally and as often as I please.  I bring out the  creativity and play in others.  I  bring people together to feast and share their stories. 

yes

Follow Me on My Journey

This was someone's twitter thing.  And it was kind of cool.  Though he was some marketing geek chap and I read some of his tweets and I thought, no, actually, I am not sure I will follow you on your journey. Even though he may well be a nice chap.  But immediately I was hooked by that line, "follow me on my journey".  and I thought he probably is quite good at marketing, because, that's a good line.  I was momentarily hooked. 

But I do like to follow people on their journeys.  Its the classic story isn't it. 

The journey. The quest. 

And that's what this is - this blog.  Its a quest. 

And a quest to work out how to earn money at the same time as do the best I can with my life.  How to thrive, with meaning, joy and a sense of freedom. 

I certainly don't feel that I have done my best today.  Its been a bit of a wash out.  I did house stuff, so the house is hoovered and we have plenty of food in.  But that, in all sincerity, was procrastination. 

I wrote last, that I am motivated by frustration.  Well, I am frustrated today.
 
I am heading off into the unknown.  Spurred by frustration. 

Follow me on my journey.

Frustration & Delight

Somone on facebook asked, "what motivates you?" and initally I was just going to write delight.  or Freedom or some such postive thing.  But in truth one of my biggest motivators is frustration. 

Its when I am really pissed off about something, I kick in and do something about it. 

So on Friday I was really pissed off.  I don't know why - I had had a brilliant day.  But I ended it with feeling all annoyed and angry and I took it out on the house. 

Here goes the venting.  Our house needs SO MUCH doing to it and I need more MONEY to do it and I want it to be sorted ALREADY!!! ESPECIALLY that damn dripping tap (etc etc)

Dripping tap has truly gone beyond.  It cannot be stopped, not even with extra vigorous turning.  And needs the extra vigorous turning in order to not actually be running.  It is seriously annoying.

Oh and its not just that, there are a whole host of things that were annoying me, the state of the rug in the living room, the crappy kitchen, the ceiling in the hall, the back garden, the door, the windows, the curtains.... ah, you know.  EVERYTHING.

And so I sat down and wrote down my main frustrations.  The things that were really BUGGING me.  And because it has been part of my work life for the last 2 years, and really I ought to know how to do this,  I took myself through the process. 

1.what is bugging you?
2. How would it be if it were all sorted / ticked off the list / DONE?
3. What is the teeny tiniest step you can take RIGHT NOW to start moving towards that end result.

So -  the house.  OK there is the roof extension and a new kitchen and so on, but the main end result is  "I have a beautiful home that I am proud of".
And I figured that even though I won't be sorting all of it just now, I could, at least, make it as beautiful as I possibly can, right now.  I could clean it thoroughly and give it a paint job. 

And I could get the handyman round to fix the DAMN TAP (and the tile grouting in the bathroom and that broken light fitting)

So on Saturday I started cleaning (there was this particular area on the kitchen ceiling, that I had started cleaning a while ago, and in fact had just made things worse and smeary and it looked hideous - that was first) and I got some paint, and started painting.  Man it was already making a HUGE difference.  I had no idea actually how grubby my kitchen walls had become, this lick of paint thing was a really good idea.

I called our handyman and he came around and quoted £120 inc taps (maybe less ) for the work.  Its being done on Friday.  Sooner if it rains.

And I got some herbs (on offer 9 for £5!) and planted them in the garden.  

Hub and Bub cleaned the front of the house, swept the steps and washed the windows.  The kitchen is nearly finished and I will be starting on the hallway tomorrow night.

But the very most main thing about all of this.  Is how I feel.  I feel SO energised and good.  SO MUCH better than the ranty, grumpy despondent beast I had become on Friday night. 

Stopping, having a bit of a think, working out what I really want and DOING something about it dramatically changes you feel.

(still a lot of painting to get done tho......) 

a Massive Update

Here is a big from my last track track tracking post

end goals
get more do:work trainings set up and in the pipeline
10+ students into class for Clocktower Yoga
running successful art and yoga retreats / events
another yoga class and 5 private yoga clients
selling artwork for £200+ each piece
hanging with my tribe
working with my tribe
good holidays
house decluttered (loft in particular)
new trainers (dark blue / dark grey)
finances totally under control (funds set by for future taxes & other known expenses)
will written
I am the best yoga teacher / trainer / parent / artist that I can be

Well.  the big news is that People Who Do  are off in their own beautiful directions doing things like These Atoms and Then Somehow.

Well there are a few more things to do, to round off the whole thing, but essentially more do:work trainings set up and in the pipeline is not going to be happening.  There is one more, I believe, in October, which they have asked me to deliver. I have yet to hear what the date is but I am pretty sure it is happening.  

I am pretty sad about it to be honest.  I loved working with those guys.  Particularly on the really creative projects such as do:lab at UBM which was fun, challenging and really different.  I am sure that what they do next will be really interesting too.

So, that leaves me - having spent 2 years of my life being trained up and gaining excellent experience helping people get more productive and manage their inboxes.  I can't do the exact same training as I delivered with People Who Do because it is theirs.  However, I can "make it my own".  To be honest by the time I got to the end of that first year, a great deal of it was my own.  I read up on the subject and I developed ways of delivering the workshop.  I was always a freelancer on it so my input belongs to me.  So...I am half way there.  Of course what I don't have is the course materials, the marketing back up or a website, or a back office delivery system.  So I am considering how I might set these things up.  I have decided that I may focus on the smaller businesses and charity sector  - people who could really do with my help - and who were not able to afford the People Who Do offering.  As a sole trader I am able to be more flexible on price.  And I like helping people.   

Clocktower Yoga is slowly slowly building up as the word gets our and our students are finding us.  We are appealing to the non competitive Yogis out there.  We are not the hot sweaty I can bend more than you type of Yoga (its all a wrong wrong wrong thing and not even a "type of yoga" in my book!) We are getting a lot of men, who need to work on their flexibility - often because they do some sport or other and have not ever done the important stretching part.  And  many women who hate the whole pumped up Bikram thing and want a kind, calming, more mindful form of yoga.  It is a slow build though and sometimes I find this frustrating as I seem to be clocking up more hours and we are not earning anything yet.  I am in two minds persistence and perseverance v cutting my losses and focusing on stuff that brings home bacon.  For the time being however I am all into the keeping going.  We are taking a break in August and September is always  good month for new sign ups.  We will see.  The growth is ever upwards.  And people LOVE the classes.  Which is delightful. I am off the idea of starting my own class at the moment as I feel one class is enough.

I am getting fantastic feedback on my Wild Art Journalling courses.  Which is so encouraging and delightful.  I am likely to be setting up an evening session - by popular demand!!! I have SO always wanted to say that.   It is a truly pleasurable way to earn money and each session has been sold out.  All good.  

I am planning an art retreat of my own in the summer.  We have no holiday plans as such (due to the whole financial control issue, which totally needs to be addressed, and IS  being addressed - hence no holiday plans....) And so I thought I would take myself away for a long weekend and produce ART.  I am really looking forward to it. 

Hanging and working with my tribe.  Well the art course is really helping with that.  And I am adoring being part of Creative Coffee Company which is made up of a bunch of women creative entrepreneurs.  We meet, have coffee, have guest speakers (or not) and we are even planning a creative day trip.  I am also getting my good friend Morgan, who runs creative writing courses, involved in my Wild Art Journaling session next week, with plans to do a longer workshop together sometime.  And I also spent an enjoyable, if manic, day facepainting with my friend Crim.  Another day is planned in July.  That with the Artists Intervention Book project which Crim founded, and some regular meet ups for that.  So plenty of tribe hanging going on.  And when I consider a few years ago, HOW MUCH this was my absolute aim.  Its is delightful to find it so healthily supported now. 

good holidays..... well I did just go to France with my family  - to meet up with my cousin and her family who now reside in Australia.  A joy to see them, and I got my fill of divine cheeses and fine wines.  That is it for the time being as - well  - Project Financial Control is underway.  And I am missing TODAY,  my dear dear friends 50th birthday party in Ibiza because of this.  I wish wish wish I could have gone.  But I need to work. And earn money.  And not pretend that everything is OK when it isnt.  I am taking care of my finances, and they are in need of a little intensive care right now. 
I have not written a will.  

SO.  A massive update.  I have been holding off because of the un public nature of what People Who Do were up to.  But it seems official now.  And life moves on.  And I need to create a professional website to do that helping people Get Stuff Done side of my life.  And indeed, I need to activate that side of my life myself.  Its TIME, ladies and Gentlemen.  To GET STUFF DONE.  bring it on