attitude of gratitude

I was flicking through Elle Dec this evening.  And pondering interiors, like you do.  Then I pondered generally about the things that 'need to be done' to the house.  Like fix the shower, decide on the bedroom layout, plaster the hallway ceiling and all.....  And I just thought, you know, I am spending a lot of time thinking about what needs to get put right.  And a lot of time thinking about how I want things, and how these wants are generally different to the way things actually are.

And while its good to aim high and sort out the annoying things.  Its also good to stop and smell the roses.

Its time to be a bit grateful.  I haven't done a "5 things I am grateful for" for ages.  So I thought it was about time.  I am aiming for specific things.  There are a lot of general things I could write every day, you know, like; my health, my son's existence, my husband, a roof over my head, music, art etc.  But it would be rather similar every day.  I want to spend some time thinking about specific little things that are already great. Or were specifically great today. 

So, without further ado

Today I am grateful for

My friends who came to visit me in the gallery today and brought me a coffee and stopped for a chat.  I went to univeristy with these guys and we are still friends.  Cool. 

The amazing projection show at the Pepperpot (local landmark) that we popped out to see, which was part of the White Night event taking place this evening.  I am so glad that White Night exists in Brighton.  What an awesome idea it is. 

Hearing how my son joined in and shouted "GHOSTBUSTERS!!" really really loudly with all the other children, you know, when the song asked who ya gonna call??....  I just love that he and Hub went to that kids screening of the film.  And that the staff dressed up. And that it's Halloween tomorrow and Brighton is all excited about it.

My new Jessica nail polish.  It was a birthday present from a friend, a new friend, and someone I really like, and who has a family we all get along with.  We went round for a fabulous Sunday roast last week.  All of us.  Me and Hub and Bub.  I love that we all could socialise together  And its pretty awesome nail polish too.  Its still here after 2 days of hard use.  I have been washing up and everything and its not even chipped.  Impressive.  And dark and gothic and purpley black too.  Good gift.

So lastly, I am grateful for another year here on this planet. And for the fact that I really enjoyed my birthday.  I had a little gathering in the evening.  I feel like I haven't had any sort of gathering, that I have organised, for sooooo long.  Which is really weird because I used to do it all the time.  But people came and I enjoyed it a lot.  It reminded me that I could do it.  And that it was good to do it.  And that birthdays are for sharing and celebrating (however er, *young*, you maybe)

all about the schools

 

So this is my year for school obsession.  Bub is now 4 and will start next September.  And from now until 16th January we have to visit the local schools and try and work out which one will be best for him.  And then we have to wait and see if he gets into the school we think is best for him.  Its a big thing isnt it?  I mean, how do you really know? how much time should I take to consider the options? What options do I consider even? I just feel that really it should be your nearest school.  And if you don't like it, then you start kicking up a fuss and having to go into adminstrative proceedures.  Its a lot of faff and work for everyone no doubt.  And the silly little thing of being able to tell your little one, that next year, he will be going to Big School and being able to point it out.  We won't actually know until April.  And that is assuming we get him into a school we like.  It will be longer if we have to fight the decision.

And all i really can think of is my own experience of school.  I was pretty much a tearaway until we moved to the countryside where the school was soooooo small that I could not escape the teacher's scrutiny. At which point I discovered that I was actually able to do maths.  And my mum was a teacher - yet my first school failed me without her really noticing.  I was able to read and write by the time I went to school because of my mum's teaching skills and the fact that I was old in my year.  Oh and I was bright too I guess.  But I think I was just bored, unchallenged and able to get away with just being naughty.  I remember there being a test.  And it was 20 questions and I only bothered to answer the first two.  Teacher asked who had got them all right and I put my hand up. 

So all I can think is that a small class will be better. Which basically means private school.  Classes here are 30 children ish.  30!  In context there were 30 pupils in the entire school at the country school we moved to. 

Tiny country schools have for the most part been closed down of course.  And the one I went to is now an award winning school which is so oversubsribed that even if you walk to it, you may be forced to drive 5 miles away to find a school. 

Its madness.  And here is comes on my plate.  School madness.  And homework madness (I never had homework until I was 11!) I am so glad that Bub is old in his year.  Tales of friends little boys who 'have fallen in with a rough crowd' (teachers comments at parents evening  - nice!) already make me feel so relieved that our wee chap is going to be tall and big and old when he starts.

That and am considering paying for his education.  £5000 a year for the Dharma school.  Its not too bad is it? 

is it?

got my business cards....now how to talk about it? & other news.

So I feel kind of official now.  Though rather worringly a friend assumed that I was now some sort of "lady that does" in the way of ironing, cleaning and so on.  Hmm.  Don't know if I like that sort of assumption!! Of course its not like that at all.  Goodness knows I would rather find someone else to do that sort of do for me than the other way around.  Not that i'm proud.  I mean. If I had to, I would.  And its not that I don't do all that sort of thing for our house myself at the moment.  But you know.  I do dream of employing a cleaner.....

Its been interesting working out just how to talk about my new job.  Its not that straightforward.  Its not like, "I'm an Architect" or "I'm a Teacher" or some such other profession.  Or even, "I work in TV" or "I work in a Yoga Centre" which is things I have said about myself in the past.  Its not, of course, "I am an artist" which is a claim I do not want to lay by the wayside.

But hmm, what DO I do? Who is  a Person Who Does and how do I "Make Work Better".

Exactly.  So far in discussion, we are NOT: trainers, advisors, coaches or consultants.  We ARE  mentors.  Apparently.  And we help deal with that whole "got too much work on to ever be able to finish it, getting stressed, losing focus, being swamped, working long long hours and dreading Mondays type stuff"  Yup.   We sort that stuff out.  And help people get some sense of control and focus and feeling on top of things again.  

I am indeed practising talking about it.  As I have been practising delivering it. Fundamentally I am very, very happy to be part of it all.  Its so interesting.  And its a company I just LIKE.  I like what they are about.  I like their ethos.  I very much like their rule that "nobody works more than 4 days a week" (I mean, how cool is that?) I like that they are about more than just work.  I like this too.  For example.

I have another practise session in November with the very talented and very busy Amelia.  Amelia has just launched her YEAR LONG experimental  Art e course  - which I am all signed up for and rather relishing as despite having done it twice now, I  have felt that there was always so much more to explore and do.  I am looking forward to being part of that online ART community for the whole year. (if you decide to come and join me, I have signed up as an affiliate so tell Amelia I sent you!)

OH And of course I am very much looking forward to meeting Lizzie who along with a colleague has signed up for a Accelerated Productivity session.  Which got me BIG brownie points being the newbie and all, I must say! Thanks Lizzie!!!!!

Another thing I have been doing lately is skyping with a bunch of ladies regarding the Spark Kit which is that e book that Danielle La Porte brought out and I bought when she was doing a special pay what you like birthday offer.  Its rather good, as is most of what she does I think.  And we ladies, rather internationally from Belgium, Holland and the UK meet for a skype chat and catch up  / support session every 2 weeks.  Its cool.  Cheryl, who I met at the Do What You Love retreat, and who is a very interesting and dynamic person, set it up.  Hmm.  I guess there is a lot more to say about this.  So I will leave that for another post when I have more time to delve into.

Not much more news here.  I am no longer ill, which is a blessed relief.  I hate being ill.  So boring to have no energy....

OH!  I have a Supergroup tomorrow, which is most excellent as I thought I was not needed. IN fact I had just deleted it from my diary.  I always put them in as definate, as some sort of wish that they will happen.  But just as I let go of it, I got the call.  Seems that I am the reserve they call at the last minute when someone pulls out.  I am not sure if this is a good thing (as in I am the person they call first) or a not so good thing (as in they obviously would have preferred someone else for some reason)... .... Actually I don't really think either of those things.  I know that they have demographic or brand user reasons for choosing people.  Or they may have wanted a different age or gender mix.  Either way, I have £250 worth of work tomorrow.  And as its last minute I am not expected to do anything other than think about the pre task work (breakfast recipe with cheddar cheese anyone? I am thinking a cheese and apple muffin or scone. btw)  AND I have the chance to practise talking about being  a Person Who Does some more.  I really LOVE supergroups actually.  Its just such cool work. Its getting paid for having ideas and hanging out with some really great folk.  It used to involve rather nice lunches as well, though lately these have just been sandwiches, which is a damn shame.  Never mind.  Tomorrow I am up early and out and away to London Bridge for the day to invent.  I love how random that is.

only biting off as much as you can chew....

Of late, one project has been large in my mind - project move rooms.  It started last year (in my mind at least) and is still going on, incomplete, still bugging me ....

It's all about getting Bub into the bigger room and making the smaller room my studio....STUDIO - see - time and space to create!!  But then there is the giving up the spare bed issue, which was a reason to make me hang off a little, and then there was the bunk bed idea, which was meant to solve said spare bed issue.  And I found this company called Fearless Mike  that goes to Ikea for you and assembles your furniture for a reasonable rate which seemed like a brilliant idea.  And then it's just been really graunchy, like a proper uphill struggle and added to that, this niggling feeling that I am just not heading in the right direction with it all and in fact most of it has been a massive procrastination and not been worth it at all. 

All this FAFF so that I can have time and space to create.  And how much time have I wasted on it? And hmm, how much Space have I got yet.....?  hmmm. No Space.

Today Hub had a bit of a go at me for the jumble sale state of said 'spare' smaller room, adding to the whole thing that he thinks that sometimes I just dive in without thinking of a proper plan.... ouch!   And I do realise that I stormed ahead and got rid of beds and stuff and piled all my art stuff into the small room and as yet have not had time to sort it out.  OH and it's all there in this massive messy pile and I don't really have any where to put it.  Nor the energy or inclination to tackle it. 

And then today (all rushing action again) I got rid of a bookshelf  - ostensibly in order to make room for these bunk beds, which I was starting to feel not good about.....  and now we have 5 boxes of books cluttering up our bedroom.  Hub is not pleased and I have to admit some sort of defeat. 

Not that he wanted to talk about it, or help me find a solution! Off he goes out.... 

But I had my saving grace.  I got an email from Fearless Mike. The bunk beds are out of stock.  I leapt at my chance and cancelled the order.  I can put the book shelf back for the time being and just hang with how things are for a bit.  

Right now, I have enough on my plate.  Training for new job, Yoga teacher training, gallery job, a bit of childminding still, art projects I want to get on with, let alone the whole family, social life thang.

I am going to leave 'project move rooms' on the back burner for a while.  Let things settle.  Seek for a solution.  Let it all perculate and arise. 


And the really funny thing is.  That I just don't really really want to make that wee back room my studio at the moment.  Its a bit poky and awkward.  Its got a carpet and not enough floor space. And I had started thinking that maybe..........instead of making it my studio space, it would be more suited to being Hub's office hide out.  And that we could put the TV in it, freeing up the downstairs to be  - well a living space - maybe......... put a BIG TABLE in it and have it as part of the kitchen living space. 

And today, Hub,  totally independently (and obviously not aware of my year long quest to commandeer the box room) actually suggested that exact same thing to me today. 

So today.  Am stopping a project.  I felt chaotic in it, unclear of my motives and as if I was making rash and not good decisions.  I was trying to chew way more than I could and it was all getting lumpy.

I feel a massive sense of relief.  My gut feelings regarding the bunk beds were the right ones to follow.  Bub is a bit too young for them yet.  Perhaps I will just get a double mattress?  (yup I know I just got rid of one.. .doh!) which will alllow me to sneak in and snuggle up to him when Hub snores, for a year or so..... while he is still little enough to actually want that....

Sometimes you gotta know when its time to take stock and stop biting off more than you can chew.

a night out with the girls

I don;t think I should actually be posting right now.  Its not as bad as drinking and dialing...... is it?  Just been out and had a rather lovely night out with a bunch of ladies most of whom I don't know.  oh my the spelling and typos....am trying to correct them as I go....


We went to the Medicine Chest, some new cocktail bar of a place in Hove.  It was quite nice actually, proper 'dark house' interiors with some good trad jazz soundrack playing.  drank tooooo many cocktails for any sort of coherence.  But generally, what  a great bunch of women with interesting lives, outfits, stories and tips.  Am plotting the weekend retreat with painting, 9 courses of top chef nosh and BYO wine @ Hawthbush Farm.

xx better go to bed...

a day at channel 4

Yesterday I assisted on a group delivery of accelerated productivity with People Who Do.  It was great.  The team at Channel 4 digital really got it.  They were all game and had chosen to come along and do the course, so that was a good start.  It is, obviously, sightly more formal, when doing a group.  Not formal as in stiff and contained - there was lots of good chat - just more structured.  I am feeling hugely more confident that I will be able to deliver very soon.  And looking forward to it.  Am enjoying this new role.  And am going to get some fancy schmancy lovely new letterpress business cards soon too. 

Other than that I have been looking at my own busy schedule and seeing where I can fit in all the things I need to do.  I am getting frustrated about how it feels as if all household and childcare stuff is firmly in my camp, but complaining about it makes me a nag!  No good to anyone that!! 

I don't know quite how to tackle it at all.  Maybe get a cleaner??  I think when I start earning more and properly then this will have to be the case.  Until then I find it hugely difficult to justify.  I mean £21 a week (or there abouts? it maybe more?) is going on £100 a month and that is £1200 a year.  On the other hand... that makes it £10 a week each.  Which surely we could manage? Its a perennail and tricky issue this one!!

Yesterday I came home and complained about the cutlery not being put away and the bin not being emptied.  I do recall how it drove me MAD when Hub used to come home and do that very same thing.  And poor Hub had managed to actually mop the kitchen floor, clean out a cupboard and go to the dump with the garden debris.   Having said that it drives me mad that if I don't do it the cutlery thing after washing up it overflowing and there are no spoons in the drawer.  And the bin is always left till the bag breaks (when I am trying to empty it).  grrrrr

And the other thing that really pissed me off this week, was that for months, a year even - my plan to move Bub into the spare room to commandeer the back box room as my studio hit a set back on Monday.  I  was blocked on it for ages, because it has been nice to have a spare bed.  When Hub gets a cold, he snores really badly, so I would sneak off and sleep somewhere else.  But since I got rid of the mattress (because it took up the whole floor in the 'studio') I realised that I had no where to go!  And the other night I ended up camped on the floor because I needed to sleep!! My solution idea was to get bunk beds for Bub.  On Monday I measured for where the bunk beds ought to go, and there is just not enough room for them.  The only place they can fit is in the middle of the room which is just not very pleasing.  I regret getting rid of the double mattress, which I could have left in Bub's room and have been fine for a while....

Sometimes progress means letting go of something.  And I realised last night, that bunk beds will mean I won't get to snuggle in with Bub any more.  He is nearly 4 and we are rushing him into these bunk beds when, had I just stopped and thought for a bit, he could have had that double mattress for a while more and if Hub did snore, I could have snuck in and slept with Bub.  It would have been fine. More than fine.  It was something rather lovely and I will miss it.

Anyway, we have ordered the bunk beds from a chap who goes to Ikea for you and assembles everything. Worth every penny I reckon.

Today our handyman is round ticking LOADS of things off the to do list.  Doorbell will be working consistently, the oven door will shut again, that light Bro gave me for Christmas will be up, the towel rack is up, the bathroom door knob wont fall off every time we use it, the ugly satellite dish will be gone, the hooks are up to hang a curtain over the doorway when guests sleep in the new 'guest room' (sofa bed in the living room....)

The inside of Bub's new toy cupboard will not have big holes in the wall and Hub will have a new shelf inside the wardrobe to put his jumpers on (and there will be room to put the spare bedding in there).  There will be a nice 50's hook rack on the back of the door to hang up coats and stuff.  The powerpoints in the bedroom will no longer be INSIDE the wardrobe (why was it like that??)

Oh and we will have a mains water tap INSIDE the house.  All good.

A day at the the Farm

On Thursday I went to Hawthbush Farm for a day with People Who Do.  It was a meet up of all those interested in becoming associates or working in some capactity with them, and a kind of introduction to the company and a chance to  hear where they are at, and discuss what our input could be.  Good news is that they have plenty of work and desperately want to step away from the deivery side of it.  Which is where I (and a few others) would step in. Good to know there is work there.  I was slightly overwhelmed when the talk was around business development.  I guess I feel really out of the world of business.  Perhaps I don't even really want to get into that side of it so much either? I don't know.  I guess if I knew the language and had some experience it would feel better.  For my part I am excited about doing the delivery side of it, and also the options to bring in business and how that might pan out with commission and so on.  What I really liked was the group of people gathered together.  A bright, creative, interesting and more importantly, interested bunch of folk.

The other thing was the wonderful place that is Hawthbush Farm.  One thing completely and utterly got me.  They had this beautiful function room, with this massive table, and they had had a dinner there the night before.  A chef had come down from Claridges and cooked a show piece several courses meal.  And they were going to do this, often, and it be a non profit, but for fun thing, with guests paying £30 and bringing wine.  OMIGOD yes.  This also made me insanely jealous. No, not jealous.  But you know sometimes when you experience something, and its some one's way of life, and you think.  BUT THIS IS HOW I WANT MY LIFE TO BE.  The big table thing.  Its so totally my dream.

But, see, the other good thing, is that People Who Do, want to book that experience, I will get to go there and have a splendid dinner. And while it may not be my table, at least I am going to get to eat at it.  Quite frankly I could not imaging a better way to spend my time.  Apart from doing that and spending the day painting and then having a big meal prepared like that.

At this beautiful farm there is also a large house to rent out and subsiduary cottages so that a group of people can stay there,

So my Art Retreat ears pricked up and my heartbeat grew a little faster at that idea.

How to be OK with Not doing something. Oh and trip to London.... more of that later

My 2 practice session ladies have got back to me.  I love getting these messages, about how things that have been dangling for years being annoying, are now ticked of the list.....

For J, she has sorted the headboard in the guest room and vac packed a whole load of clothes to go to the loft to get rid of a chest of drawers she hates, that and getting the curtain pole sorted in the bathroom at last.

But I also heard back from M, who left me saying she felt overwhelmed by the amount she had to to do. The whole 'overwhelm' thing - well, what I do is meant to help with that.  I certainly felt light and clear afterwards, as did J.  She said things like 'everything is doable' where as M did not.  She seemed more overwhelmed than before.  I was a bit concerned.  But I got a text saying that she LOVED her little black book and was flying through stuff.   She didn't do 2 things that were in her diary to do.  I made sure that she rescheduled them.  Theory is this.  If someone arranges to meet you, say, on Thursday, for lunch.  And they don't show up.  It pisses you off right? Its rude and annoying and you are cross with them for letting you down.  However, if they call on Wednesday and say, Sorry, something has come up, can we rearrange.  It may be a bit annoying, but its OK.  Shit happens, right?  SO Same goes for an arrangement you make with yourself. If you just blow yourself out, you end up pissing yourself off, and getting angry, and its all wasted energy.  But if, you reschedule whatever it is.  That's OK. You are making a decision.  Its a conscious act and you are still responsible and feel in control. 

Its all about feeling just as OK with what you are NOT doing as with what you are doing. 

I also had follow up from PWD re how my second training went, and basically a lot of what I talked about with M was part of another workshop they do about planning.  I feel kind of able to cope with that too then.  AP (accelerated productivity) is about the stuff that can get in the way of proper planning.  It clears the way, it clears your mental pathways too.  Its a declutter. 

Oh its late.  Grandparents (Hub's mum and her husband) are staying in Brighton and were here this evening.  I Have drunk again!  ooops hic!  And an early start tomorrow too.  Oh and here I am wittering away into cyberspace!!

And I haven't even mentioned where I went last night!  I have to say that I am certainly managing my Artists Dates these days.  I took myself off to London last night to go to the BFI.  Yes, very cultural.  Get me.  My friend Ellie has curated a season of films by the late Maya Deren.   It was pretty cool. 

VIdeo from the Do What You Love retreat...

Do What You Love - Retreats 2011 from Nut Films on Vimeo.


I haven't actually been able to watch this through yet, due to rubbish broadband.  But am looking forward to it.  Good memories.

My second practice session

Ah, trip to Suffolk.  How lovely.  Back in the Blue Dog today. And its a proper scorcher.  Hotter than summer was by far.

I did my second training yesterday.  Not so straightforward as the issue was more that my friend needs to prioritise what she needs to get done more than get everything done on her list.  She has a lot on her plate, juggling 3 children as a single mum, a part time job  (that needs full time hours to do it in) and hampered in it all by a lack of funds.  All slightly catch 22 - the things could get done quicker (less relying on help from people) with more money, which would give more time, but at the same time, more money not possible as she needs more time to invest in order to progress her ideas to make more money.  Essentially everything needed a bit more discussion to get to the root of 'what would this look like if it were ticked off the list'  I mean, how exactly do you know when you have enough money? and what is the first small step to get there, well that's a big question isn't it.  And where out of all the demands can you find time to be creative, which is necessary for your soul.  Yup big stuff

However there were some key points that will hopefully be actioned this very week.  She needs to up her income, and she decided that and extra £500 a month would really be good.  And today she is doing a car boot sale, and on Thursday she is going to spend some time matching a creative project with funding.  Something that she does all the time for other people.  How hard it must be to be paid as an administrator, and you are an artist, and you hire other artists and pay them good money to do projects you have helped them get funding for.

And with 3 children, who expect their mother to drop anything to sort out what ever it is that they need sorting, and not quite enough room in the house for all of them (one of her crucial projects is to literally build another bedroom onto the side of the house) another of her problems is ring fencing time to focus - on anything reallly.  Though she has already managed to carve out Mum's Chi Gung time.  Which I think is pretty awesome (note to self: Moyra's Yoga Time).  And we discussed that if she give each of her children some dedicated focus time with them, she might be better able to get time for herself to focus.  Also discussed was getting up earlier to get the Chi Gung time in before school.  And the thorny issue fo getting 3 children who are now 9, 12 and 14 to help more around the house, without that in itself becoming a bigger project that takes up all her time.

She really liked the inbox to zero.  And she got the idea of contexting your actions.  Hopefully she will be able to be a little more streamlined and less cluttered in her life and her head because of this.  I am checking in next week to see how she is getting on.

I did struggle to get through all the stuff she brought with her, so I hope that she manages to complete her task and get a clear path ahead.  I think this needs more support.