how do you stop a seething fury?

As much as I really was trying to just focus on the positive.  Truth be told I was a seething mass of fury and resentment for a few days there.  Pissed off about one thing (OK furious! about it) I spilled out into everything that pissed me off and stayed there, unable, UNABLE to STOP THINKING ABOUT IT ALL.  I tried and did all sorts of things.  But gradually it subsided.  Today Hub was telling me that I was being stupid and when was I going to stop being so miserable about the place.  And while it did annoy me a LOT that he said that (!) never the less, there was this part of me, that just thought, OH, yeah.  Its just going to be me stopping it.  Nothing is actually going to happen to make things any different.  I am just going to stop being cross sooner or later. And there.  And if I do stop being cross and, as such, focusing on ALL THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF.  Then my life might get more bearable again.  I do have reasons for being upset.  And perhaps life isn't exactly how I expected it or, more like, *wanted* it to be.  But being a sulky cow snapping at everyone isn't much cop neither.  It is funny though.  I feel calm now.  But really have not been calm at all.  And I really don't know what exactly it was that sent me so far over the edge and why I found it so hard to come back from it. 

I went to a lovely yoga class this evening and came out feeling rather humble and silly.  This is my life and while there are bits that are not perfect, seriously..... I am being silly, hanging on to my anger for some sense of being justified in it.

Good things that happened today

Bub's recent appalling behaviour can really really be linked to him being knackered.  Today M   - Bub's age and a friends wee boy whom I look after for her -  with whom Bub behaved like a devil last time they were together, to the extent that I feared that I could no longer have him over.....  today they got on really well with only minor spats.  It was such a joy to see them giggle and play happily.  And also to just have it confirmed that Bub's behaviour does degenerate when he is tired.  Last time M was over it was after 4 days of preschool and playdates and a late night.  Last night when Bub went meltdown was when he was up extra early and had a really busy day with a very long walk at the end of it, too late in the afternoon.  I am very relieved about this diagnosis.  It means we can help him manage.

My yoga class was ace.

Gallery called to discuss future dates for me working.  I have work.  It is GOOD.
My girlfriends, whom I was not able to see this Sunday, are convening to come to Brighton to visit me.  They are so cool.