musings

Been lying in bed for the last hour thinking about whys and whats and values.  I love the Eleanor Roosevelt "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are".  I love that quote from that Mamet film; 'You gotta make your own fun, other wise its just entertainment".  I love the idea that magic happens when you follow your dreams.  I love quests and adventures and seek means and ways to feel truly alive.  I need to create to feel happy.  I need company and community to be happy.  I love good food.  I love the idea of SOUL FOOD being whatever it takes to make your heart sing.  And that without it our spirits starve and waste away.  And here I am half way through the HSHB course and I can't put my finger on a WHY.  I can do the WHO.  more soon I have a small boy for company here right now....

aww, he has snuggled in beside me and fallen asleep.

So.  Do what You can, with what you have where you are....

I was just thinking of freedoms.  Like financial freedom (yes please)  Creative freedom.... (actually....) And I found myself thinking that some boundaries, some rules perhaps, can create imaginative responses.  Or can provoke great art.  So having some structure or limitations can actually be a good thing.  I still want financial freedom, yes thank you very much.  Creatively, I want challenges and edges to find my way around.

So it got me thinking about doing what I can with what I have and where I am.

Here I am.  In Brighton, with a child and a husband and a mortgage.  We are running slightly on empty financially at the moment which I have to admit stresses me out a lot.  I can live creatively and frugally, but I cannot make my Husband do so.  And if he is not doing so, I feel very reluctant to sacrifice. So to keep sane, we are carrying on relatively as normal.  And counting on things getting better work wise.

So what can I do? Well crucially at this point in time I need to finesse my presentation of the Accelerated Productivity workshop.  I spent 2 hours this morning introducing it and doing the outline of the day, out loud, to the wall / an imaginary crowd.  I am definately getting better and I think that when I nail this I am going to be shit hot at it.  It is good to feel a growing confidence in myself in this respect.  I have a coupl of enquires from friends of friends who are keen to do the process with me.  But I am going to charge friends of friends.  I can't go on doing it for free.  I need to charge to make it more stressful for me. Hmm, that sounds weird.  I mean, it needs to start being professional.  And I need to feel that I am starting to be worth something other than a good friend for doing it.  So  Doing what I can towards financial freedom.

Immediately nailing this workshop and getting out there and being paid for it at £500+ per person. 

Artistically - I have a small studio.  I have paints and I have a canvas.  I can paint. 

My portrait business.  Ah, there it is.  bless it.  I want to breathe life into it.  I loved it a while and it still has legs, its just lying sleeping.  It needs some ooomph.  Some activity around it.  To frame it, package it up.  Make it a beautiful experience. 

So thinking thinking.  I do value thinking.  I mean, some folk don't bother. And I value independent thinking.  Thinking for oneself.  Starting from here, from where we are and imagining what we could and can do.  Creating a life worth living....