Portraits and things I have learned from doing them

I have just done 3 more versions of the portraits commission.  Its 3 grown up children of a family friend.  I know she likes my drawing.  And the first 3 I did, which took me ages, just look really stilted and formal and, well, not much good.  They look like they people I am drawing.  But they are far too careful and boring.  They were the last of many sketches I did trying to get them to look right.  And they are 'right' but...

I wasn't really happy with them.

So I have just knocked off a new drawing of each of them.  I think the last version is just a much more interesting drawing.  It takes me a while to get where I want to go.  I think I need to charge more to do this.  It takes a long time.  What do you think?  I have posted the photo and the 2 drawings....