I have no idea.

Ah.  So .  £5000.  seriously i have no idea exactly HOW I can make that happen.  Its a lot of money on my current day rate.  I don't exactly know how I can earn MORE than my day rate.  I wonder if I can include my husband's earnings and hope that he manages to pull off some cool highly paid job.  He gets paid by the job. So its more possible.  I guess I ought to look at getting paid by the job.  Somehow.  It probably has to be art in someway.  Ah Universe.  Perhaps you can also provide me with the insight on how to do it.  Unless I just buy a lottery ticket.

So right now I am sitting in a brand new, bright red (well, black with HUGE bright red roses all over it) cocktail dress.  Our whole family is off to a wedding at 5pm.  And in the meantime I have a catch up call to make for work.

I want to write about work.  I am not sure what I can and can't write.  But I think I am OK in writing that the workshop I deliver is going to become much more spontaneous, improvisational and responsive to the needs that come up from whoever we are working with on the day.  This both excites and terrifies me.  It is definitely the right way to go.  And yet, having just learnt and become confident delivering the workshop as it exists (which already is fairly improvised, but has a structure to adhere to and a specific aim by the end of the day) it feels like being blown back to square 2.  Not square 1!! I am definitely more confident than I was 2 years ago. But it reminds me of a Pema Chodron quote....of which I am only able to paraphrase -  it goes something like this... Being aware, awake mindful. (enlightened?) is to be continually thrown out of the nest.

I know I am growing, because it is uncomfortable.  I know my mission, self administered, is to go out of my comfort zone.....so, I am on course!!

But I am also finding it difficult to sleep, my mind if whirring so.  I know that if I spend a day or two really working out, and thinking through, common sense approaches I can use, then I will feel better.  But so far I just am nibbling at the edges of things, and worrying at it rather.  Like a dog bothering sheep.  Not really herding them up and getting them in the pen, but just chasing things around the field.

But I spose this is how things are, at the edge of creating things.  Its the unknown, its the drive that pushes us forward.  It is actually exciting.  Nervous and excited are often the exact same physical sensations.  Just a case of looking at it the right way.

I am teaching quite a lot of yoga over the next few weeks.  And that has given me the opportunity to teach creatively and responding to what I find (last week I had two people in their 60s who were new to yoga, someone who had arthiritis in their wrists and someone who was unable to do down face dog due  to dizzy spells - bang went the lesson plan!)

And then Bub and I are off to stay on a boat near Bristol.  His school doesn't go back until the 6th.  I am quite looking forward to getting some more clear time.