F**ck it. Let me be TEN again. just for a little while

Not because I want to regress.  But because I am revisiting MOndo Beyondo.  I just realised its a bit difficult creating a life of your dreams if you forget what they are.  And indeed how far you have come anyway. 

I started this blog when my son was a baby and I had no job.  And no idea about what it was I was going to do.  I had some mummy friends (who I still love and will be out drinking wine and laughing with tomorrow) but no real tribe, that is, no one who knew I was a dreamer, an artist, a yogi, a person who gets stuff done. 

And now I am a 'principle collaborator' at People Who DO, I have delivered workshops to executives, art workshops to paying punters, I host community sales of kids stuff for charity, I host Likemind, I am on the staff at The Wild School, I have been on several art retreats, I have painted and collaged with Flora Bowley, Teesha Moore and Orly Avineri.  I have been to Ibiza and France a few times.  I am a Yoga teacher, fully qualified with a 500 hour certificate and all.  I have switched our savings into a more ethical savings account (triodos) and our day to day banking to the coop.  I have my own office/  studio in the house.  Bub's room is redecorated, he has his own built in bed and there is a guest bed in there, we have a sofa bed for guests, there is no damp in the living room wall... the washing machine is in an annex to the bath room.  we have a cupboard up in there.... we have a big rug in the sitting room and bub has a rug in his room..... these were all goals.  We have reduced our rubbish out put, we buy organic veg, and our gas and electricity are both from renewable energy. I have an organisational system in place.  I do GTD.  I have evernote in place and synced calendars, email and phone.  I run the Secret Salad Society - a pop up supper club.  I must remember what I have already done, and how far I have come.  My relationship with my husband has never been better, my son is at the school I wanted him to go to and he is really happy there.  My parents are renting out their holiday house and have moved into a brand new house, and its warm and they are happy

And yet.  No horsebox travelling.  No Goa trips.  No eco house fully paid for.  Am not earning much of my money as an artist.  My art workshop is not set up as a regular thing.  I could be wealthier in terms of, you know, paying off the mortgage and all.  I still want to go on one of Jim's yoga holidays.... I feel I still have yet to step into my own shoes.  or maybe I still have to create some shoes to step into.  Mainly I need more work, and to feel more established in my work.  I have a tendency to want to slip back into the known of - things like running playgroups, getting a job in a shop.  When I know I need to step up and into the future where I am an artist, a faciltator, and something as yet unknown that will be totally my field and generate good income for me and my family.  I dunno.  DIY art school maybe.  Or selling.  Generating income.  Exponential income.  Bigger stuff.  Bigger, Beyondo Mondo stuff. 

So I am revisiting the course.  I bought it on PDF.  Ages ago.  And so.  here we go.  Me aged 10.  I loved ABBA and spent a lot of time pretending to be ABBA.  I built fairy villages in the garden, made of leaves.  I think at about that age, i used to make radio shows on a cassette recorder.  I was the DJ, played records (which involved taping stuff of the real radio - I had this HUGE old fashioned radio in my bedroom that had used to belong to my Grandad).  I made dens.  I wrote diarys and drew pictures.  I was a bit obsessed with Laura Ingalls Wilder.  Particularly the Long Winter.  I wrote a book about a post apocolyptic world where it was really really cold and we had to wear lots of clothes, and live in snow burrows.  I loved the idea of a gypsy caravan with lots of patchwork.  I loved cute cottages and imagined I would own one, and it would be called Bumble Bee cottage.  Or Appletree Cottage.  It too had a lot of patchwork in it.  And low ceilings. I think I quite liked the idea of living in a burrow, hobbit like, with round windows, oh, and lots of patchwork.  I loved nature, and pretty much knew all the wildflowers, grasses, trees and birds that could be found around and about me.  School was a breeze.  I liked Snoopy (though I never actually owned anything Snoopy myself) stripey socks... and i wore this big flat cap thing, which I called my cow pat hat, and I wore it everywhere.  My mum hated it. She kept buying me these sort of sailor caps instead, but I would have none of it.  I liked the Wombles and the whole idea of making good use of the things that we find.  I think they lived in a burrow as well, with the walls wallpapered with newspapers.  I liked that.  I made paper theatres, and crocheted a huge blanket.  I may be straying off the age of ten.  Its hard to remember exactly.  I was pretty productive.  I liked weaving!! I was pretty influenced by my mum I think.  I liked stuff she liked.  I cannot remember what i wanted to be, or do, other than live with lots of patchwork in cute burrown like places, own stuff that was Snoopy related, and be in ABBA.  OK enough of that. I think I had this self sufficiency type thing I wanted to do, you know to be able to survive, regardless.  Perhaps it was a proto 'offgrid' notion, where I would keep chickens, generate my own power and do a lot of patchwork.   I am off patchwork, and low ceilings or burrows, but I spose i do have a side that wants to live in a small place, have a woodburner and be pretty eco.  Maybe the ABBA thing is about singing?  hmm.