My friend Crim Bo organised a screening of the film Lost in Living yesterday. A film by Mary Trunk. It was attended by about 30 creative mothers of Brighton. Ah, it made me cry. Not perhaps for the reasons it should have (according to whom? Me?). It was a beautiful and intelligent film about some beautiful and intelligent mothers. And their mothers, and their children. It highlighted that tug between the creative life of art and the creative life of family. And how these particular mothers, made their choices. It was poignant and real. And sad and uplifting. And I felt at once, ordinary and called to step up.
Another thing that happened was that I met with a woman for whom I am extremely late on delivering a portrait. She wasn't pleased and I was ashamed. I struggle with portraits. I really do, and I need a deadline, otherwise I procrastinate horribly.
I want to give the money back. And do something she will be more than delighted with. And yet I also know that I have ruined this potential relationship by being so crap. I am not proud of myself. And I still have to do the portrait. Maybe I should just get on with it now.
The only way out of this one is through. But I think I may give up on portraits in future. I do not enjoy doing them. They hurt and make me only think of pleasing. Its a horrible vunerability. But I am bound.
I guess I don't want to do art like that any more. LATER. I just sat down and did it. WHY could I have not done that months ago. Sometimes I really need to be pushed. Sometimes work is HARD.
2 comments:
Well done on getting the portrait done and I felt a little sad to hear that your portrait work does not feel enjoyable for you, this is a shame because I think you are so talented. However, if you art is calling you a different way, follow that calling and let go of any judgements x
oh bless, thank you. I find it a struggle is all. maybe that is a good thing. I also feel overwhelmingly that I want them to be really really pleased, and fear them not liking my work and not being impressed with it. Its probably a bit like this with any creative endeavour. I feel a pressure with portraits to look photographically like and please. and I don't really draw that way. or'capturing the essence' of a person takes me - it can take a long time, and sometimes I don't manage it. its like a risk I take.
Post a Comment