summer

summer summer summer summer summer summer

its hot.  its going to be long.

I am taking a break from attempting to catch up with my admin.  I am thinking about stuff and ambiling around on the internet watching and reading interesting things, ideas.

I feel that an area of work life I am interested in, feels occupied by others.  Others that aren't that interested in me being part of it.  Maybe I am wrong.  no I am not wrong.  I feel that. Though I may be wrong about them, these others.  Perhaps it is just fear

I feel a bit left out, not wanted, slightly annoyed.  I feel slightly anxious that they are cool that I am not.  or........Perhaps it is just fear

Its not a terribly nice feeling.  Its not like a massive thing.  Its just slight.  a little niggle. 

AND THEN.  I am thinking that maybe, this is some other, positive thing.  Maybe these are not my people.

Maybe, my people are different to this.  AND it will be really good to find them.  And hang out there and just NOT CARE at all.

And this feels liberating.   I wonder.  I wonder if it is all like this.  Or if this is imaginary, fearful, hopeful other stuff.  hmmm.  I don't know.......yet.  I wonder.  I feel quite excited by it all now.  That niggly feeling has actually gone.  They do say, fear and excitement feel the same, you know, physically.  hmmmm.  cool.

So, its summer.  Hub has loads of work.  I don't.  I am therefore mainly in charge of Bub.  Although next week them two are off to Belfast and I am in the house alone for 4 days.  I intend to paint it.  The house, make it better.  It kind of needs a bit of attention.  But that is just 4 days,  there are 6 weeks of summer. 

Summer.  Its slow, hot, foot off the pedal time.  Things are happening and they are good, and some of this is going to be subconsious in the background goings on that will consolidate and emerge later.   Perhaps at the end of the summer, I will know more. 

One thing that has happened, which is nice, is that supergroups are back on.  It appears that I have 2 days in late August.  I LOVE supergroups.  This one is about coffee.  I am very happy.  And I may be able to go to the Call of The Wild Soul Art retreat as a worker.  Which would be great.  I am plotting with an art pal about bringing Creative Play to the workplace and that is all good exciting stuff.

fear / excitment

and an old feeling that I maybe about to unravel and solve.  or face.  yes