Today my gorgeous son had a whole thing going that managed to make me totally lose my rag. He was refusing to go upstairs and get his swimming things because he was scared. However he would be fine apparently if I let him use his Nintendo as he climbed the stairs. He was afraid of the window. He would also be fine if I went up with him. It escalated to a war of wills as I initially started off on the I will help him overcome his small fear and I will tell him I believe he can do this thing and insist that he does it. Ah. How wrong I was. And how desperately he clung to the belief that he was truly afraid of the window. Even though somehow the Nintendo would help him. Or I could. And I did lose my patience with him. I took him upstairs to send him to his room where upon he was able without fear to collect his swimming things from his drawer. I had to go into another room to calm down. What was THAT all about!? He is not at all afraid of the window anymore. Did I do the right thing, the wrong thing. I tried so hard to stay consistent. And didn't. He seems OK now. But he managed to work himself into a right frenzy of "I CAN'T!!!!" with wailing and weeping and shaking involved. Sorry Bub. I love you, but that threw me completely. Apparently a friend says her 8 year old can also freak out about going upstairs alone sometimes. Its not as if it is very far - our house is a tiny cottage. Sigh. I wonder what if anything he has learned about overcoming fears.....
I did at least realise that gosh - our own fears - are so often pure figments of our imagination that we feed and believe in so sincerely. Recently I saw a photo on facebook that someone had taken of me sometime when I was about 21. ah - if only I had known I was so beautiful then. There I was all perfect skin and dewy eyed - but looking off kilter, a little sad, a little uncertain. I know I did not feel beautiful. I know that I was very unsure of myself. And I often I still am unsure of myself. Feeling that same feeling....afraid... - but why? what of? Seems to me that these fears are fabricated beliefs. They are the "Scary Windows" my son was so very intent on believing - so powerful and believeable that he was totally stalled and unable to act. And yet, a whole bunch of nonsense - created to stop us doing something or other - that if we just breathed deeply and did - those fears would evaporate immediately.
Lesson: Just do it anyway. Its all fabrications. Just scary windows. not real. not lasting. Feel more Sure of that and of yourself.
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