hard truths

My Hub ticked me off this morning, for complaining.  And then when I joked back that he was complaining about my complaining he ticked me off again for reacting not listening.  I was very annoyed.  My complaints were justified, and kind of hover around the top of a pile of things that get on my wick to do with my being lumbered with the bulk of the household management and some things which are NOT my responsibility somehow end up back on my plate.  etc etc etc.

But as I sat and felt annoyed.  Really hacked off.  I realised (hard truth0  that there is this HUGE narrative I carry around with me all the time, about how I do the bulk of the household management, maintenance, and how much time it takes me, and how no one notices this, and how I am not 'allowed' to mention it, because that is 'complaining'.   oh its a long, long, long rant.

And I sort of realised, that perhaps its me who suffers the most from this.  Its my rant, its my narrative, however much it may be based in truth - or not - whatever - this is MY story I am carrying.  And I am currently wondering, what would happen if I put in a different narrative. 

Will it make any difference? What if I just dropped the story.  And just asked for help. And instead of complaining, spend my energies on noticing all  the bits of help I do get.  Ha! maybe not even calling it "help'.  Noticing all the ways in which others contribute to the smooth running of this household.  Its mainly an internal exercise.  To notice my complaining and to consciously stop it and refocus. 

I recall in my coaching trainign, something that really stuck out in my mind, is that the focus is not on making what is not working smaller, but on making what IS working bigger.  Folk love to complain, but making problems smaller is not the answer.  Its making solutions bigger.  And this is the way to make real change.