not a good day (or two)

Oh, bums. And it was all going so well.  Actually its probably ALL hormonal as in I got my period sometime around 4am this morning.  Yesterday I had M (Bub's wee pal I look after sometimes) all day yesterday and found it really really hard.  I woke up tired and the whole day was a struggle!  M is very different to Bub and he just wonders off, and seems to forget his potty training around me which is actually quite unpleasant to have to deal with. Sorry I know I should be more, erm, I dunno, kind or patient etc. I do really love wee M he is a delightful wee boy, very funny, very creative etc.  But he does whine a lot, and wet himself, and wonder off.  The 3 'W's.  And I found it hard to retain composure.  And the day ended with Bub hitting me.  I was so tired I actually whapped him back, which I then felt really bad about.  Not like really hard or anything, but as a reflex to someone slapping me, I slapped back.  I felt really crap. And a crap parent to boot.  I was quite relieved to realise why I was so tense yesterday.  Though I am now also sad that I am not pregnant.  I logically know that being pregnant would be pretty hard and probably fraught with fear that it was all going to be OK.  But it seems I can't help but yearn for another baby. It really isn't going to happen.   I wish I could be OK with that.

BUT you know, it is hormonal, most of it.  And all will be OK in a day or two.  It would be nice if Bub gave up on this idea that it is funny to hit me.  It would be nice if I would shut up moaning and whining and get on with my lfe too! I have had 2 glasses of red wine and 2 huge bowls of cornflakes with brown sugar.  I am off to have a nice hot bath and go to sleep now.