Storytelling

Ah .... stories.... am diving into the whole idea of telling stories. I have never felt I am a good storyteller.  I am deeply envious of those who can weave a tale.  Especially those who can weave a good compelling magical entrancing one.  It felt as if storytelling was on the other side of an invisible barrier.  Like I could draw what was in front of me, and I was a good observer.  But I could not invent and I could not tell a story.  That was for other people.  I toyed with the idea of going to storytelling worshops to try and learn.  But kind of settled into the idea that it was something other people were good at.  In the same way that I have a good visual memory.  Other people could tell stories.

When I painted on canvas for the first time ever at Beth's DWYL retreat, in Flora Bowley's  Bloom True workshop.  I was amazed at what emerged on my canvas.  It was like I was drawing images out of the ether.  I was literally surprised by what I had done.  As Flora's feller took a look at my  paintings (Flora pointed them out saying, "Look, she has never painted before") he nodded and said  to me "You are a Storyteller", like it was some kind of fact. I actually cried.  (You know, in a good way)

Moving on to now.  I may have mentioned (or I don't know, perhaps I didn't?)  well, anyway....

I have to lead a workshop, kind of give a presentation to people, groups of people..... you know - PUBLIC SPEAKING - and I hit a road block of fear.  Proper irrational fear.  Well, I have been working out how to get around this.  My husband, who is a brilliant public speaker and presentation giver, holds no fear in this realm - he  told me you have to learn to tell stories.  that's all it is, he says. Yeah, right.  EASY for him to say.

"BUT I CAN'T" is my response.  Its my truth.  Its not what I am good at.  Hmm great self chat there, right?

My husband tells brilliant made up stories to our son everyday.  He enjoys it, he's fantastic at it. He weaves every day things and current excitments into it, they roll forward, they have a plot, they have narrative for godsssake!!

I cant do made up stories, I say, your Daddy does that.  And I  read a book instead.  Or I cheat and tell a fairy tale I know really well. (Bub is convinced I made up the story of the Firebird)

SO, today.  In the spirit of taking it on.  Today,  because I have to learn to tell stories, because I have to learn how to speak to a group of people without going blank or forgetting what I am saying, or losing my train of thought (my fears!!) I decided to start telling our son made up stories.

And tonight, my friends, I did it.  It was a random story -  I just began with "ONCE UPON A TIME"  and a talking leopard called Lenny left the jungle and flew over Africa, the Sahara, the sea, to Gatwick with a Pilot he met, and came to Brighton on the train, discovered pasta was delicious and made friends with my son and decided to stay....

It worked!  I did it.  SO.  perhaps finally..... finally....  I am getting the stories out there.  STORYTELLER.  Oh that is something I dream of being. The impossible dream. To be able to weave tales.  sigh.

(inspired to write this by this post by 101 bird tales Amelia Crichtlow)

magic

Being part of something bigger than yourself, perhaps, is the start of being able to create something that is bigger than yourself. 

I love the feeling of belonging and purpose I am getting from being involved with this course.  And with the connections I am making there, and elsewhere too.  I feel that 2012 is definately going to be the year that BIG THINGS HAPPEN.


Which brings me back to another  quote I picked up from somewhere...

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. ---Margaret Mead

Am feeling all hyped up and bouyant about the world and its possibilities at the moment.

regarding the 6 am starts...... yes well.  On Friday I had a BIG LIE IN.  I did go out the night before, and in the knowledge of having said BIG LIE IN, I did not hold myself back on the drinking wine front.  I had a truly splendid evening with some local mummy friends.  It was a swish party, as in you bring clothes you no longer wear or want and basically we empty the bags on the floor and everyone digs through and takes what they want.  A lot of trying things on and general hilarity and pretty much everyone goes home hugley delighted with their haul of free clobber.  I got some seriously nice BRAND NEW boots (she didn't like the heel shape on them and never wore them) and a fab work dress (for my presentations....)  and a whole huge bag full of tee shirts and trousers and general clothing stuff.  RESULT.

So today wasn't much better.  I though I would ease myself back in and start at 7am instead, but the wee man Bub got up before that even so it was a no go.  I did go to a Yoga class though, which generally means I work a lot harder than when I do my own practice anyway.  And yesterday, I did the teacher training - in which I was taken up into Upward Bow (back bend) which was a total shock.  As in I had been trying on my own and it was so not happening.  I ended up having a massive giggling fit after it.  Proper guffawing and weeping  stuff.  Oh get me.  I did enjoy it, mind.  They do say that back arches open you up! I am just feeling pretty damn happy inside at the moment!

I even managed to inspire 2 friends into action on their dreams yesterday.  Pretty chuffed about that too! All is good.  

I have engineered a pretty busy week this week coming up and have a lot to be getting along with.  And I really must stop myself from hanging out with the HSHB FB group the entire time.... xxx

I did it and I dig it

I did manage another 6am start this morning.  And even got started on admin before 8am as a consequence.  Yes I did actually have a productive day!  Am getting well stuck into the HSHB course and loving it. 

Am finding some things are getting underlined again and again.

Feeling Free is very important both for happiness and for doing good work, especially creative work.

Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.  Again and again.  Its so important.  And not just for its back to basics accessible and practical approach.  I believe that this is where real everyday MAGIC happens. 

Friendship and Connection are highly valuable.  As are having rules about who you work with and what you are prepared to do. 

things like

We will not get into debt over this
We will work with people we like


These are the key things that are resonating with me deeply right now. 

Stuff that isn't working so well: eating WAAAAY too much toast and honey.  Its this tasty tasty tasty rye bread with proper nice honey.  YUM.  too good. Feeling slightly blobby and cloggy from it.  You know that feeling when you KNOW you have indulged a tad too much.  And I tend to follow up that feeling with a 'what the heck   - may as well have fish n chips and a glass of wine then.  Yup not the end of the world or anything, but not vastly healthy neither.  xx  maybe another episode of Borgen then.....

wee catch up.

Ah.  and my alarm just did not go off this morning.  i am guessing and hoping that this is because I didn't put it on properly last night.  so I got a lie in till oooh 7.30!  Today I have been taking the presentation demon head on.  Firstly I am organising a group session of the AP workshop I will be running with some fellow Yoga teacher trainees who are up for it.  They are themselves adept in public speaking so have offered to coach me in return for the free workshop.  The date is booked so I have something to work towards.  I have also been given some fab support and guidance from other folk on the Hello Soul Hello Business e course.  I am really loving the community there I must say. 

This evening had a great chat with Lisa Wright - whom I shared a lodge with on the DWYL retreat - though we were both so busy being immersed in painting and going to all the events and workshops that we didn't have huge amounts of time to just chat.  Guess we are doing that now! Am so glad to have her to chat through the whole HSHB stuff.  

Made some french onion soup tonight.  My favourite.  I bought onions from the car boot sale.  You get a whole 5KG bag for a quid. Plenty of onion soup for everyone! Also helping use up the Christmas wine which is still lurking around the place!  All chocolate and sloe gin has safely gone from our house til net year!

Another episode of Borgen tonight.  We are slowly working our way through the episodes on iplayer.  Its a kind of Danish West Wing really.  I like that the way they are portraying the women.  apparently DR have a policy of producing work with strong female leads.  Works for me. 

in the gallery. HSHBing it

Ah, am in the gallery.  Pleased because it seems I am going to get the Sunday shift.   Its a shorter day for the same pay.  And I was a bit slightly miffed that someone else had snaffled it.  But its coming on over to me.  Which means I will have to commit to Sunday working.  But that's OK.  Its a day that not much else happens on and it won't ever be interfering with other work.  There will be fewer shifts in the gallery in general tho as someone is taking over for 2 days a week.  But its regular, its kind of nice. And it starts at 12 and ends at 5.  More like a part time thang! 

I totally did not get up early today.  But in feeling slightly ill, I am glad I took the time to rest.  It was interesting seeing my efforts to get up early being consistently 15-20 mins off my target.  I wonder if that is a metaphor for my life.  As in could try just a little bit harder to do what I set out to do?? I am pretty pleased with the result even so, as I definately managed to do several mornings of 30-45 mins yoga over and above none at all.  And some evening meditations too.  And of what an immense difference that made to my practice when it came to my yoga class (finally got back into it on Monday).  It really matters.  regular practice and meditation.  its funny. 

I have spent today getting stuck into the Hello Soul Hello Business e course.  Its quite interesting what comes out if you just let yourself flow! I can't say I really know where I am heading with it all yet.  I can head off and spew forth notioins in any direction it seems. 

I can though safely say that I am getting right stuck into the the idea of

MAGIC IS SOMETHING YOU MAKE

 I am likewise fascinated by 'what lies over the horizon'  be that in the future or in terms of adventure or travelling.  It may be about learning? I don't know.  But this notion of seeking, of yearning to see what is out there.

And the idea that being alive, feeling alive, fully alive and being aware of how amazing that is.  That is properly important.

And so is feasting, and celebrating  - especially with friends and family.  I am at one with the notion that it is never ever time wasted making friends for yourself.  I am a very social animal.

Shining.  Shine is a good word.  I like it a lot.  oh and time and space to create.  that is key.  I have all sorts of notions tho, it turns out.  Like the one about buying up streets of cheap housing somewhere and inhabiting it with artists and creating a community from it all.

At the end of the day, though, something along an ecourse type of notion seems like a massively good idea.  276 people x £269 = good money.  I am not saying its not worth it, or its not good.  I think it is.  And I love how they have done it.  it is soulful and its authentic, and its pretty and its engaging.  And its proper good money.  Am deeply impressed.   I totally am seeking something utterly engaging, aligned with my spirit and values and brings me in that sort of money - and though I know the hard work it must have entailed. it must be fun too, right? and who does'n't want a bit of that. 

Anyways.  Next week I will be back to the EARLY MORNING challenge.  Yoga is my focus this year.  One of my focuses.  One that will underpin everything. 

I have this body and this spirit and I am going to make the most of it.  x

early morning 5

ouch.  am getting tired. mainly because I just could not get to sleep last night.  Borgen too exciting!  But I got up again at 6 ish.  Tomorow am planning a lie in til 7.  ish.  I need it.  its been a long week.  its all I can write just now.  x

early mornings day 3 and 4

I did get up early.  But it was for working in London.  So not for Yoga.  Though I did manage 5 minutes each day.  Its not quite the same.  On Tuesday night there was horrendous issues with trains and so instead of being home at about 8pm it was more like 10pm.  OR at least I don't even know but the journey was hours late.  I only had time to eat, get ready for today and even then I went to bed really late (well, past 11ish, enough late when you are getting up at 6!) and so was proper tired this evening.  Its only 9 now and I am pretty much ready to go to sleep.  Schools thing has receded somewhat.  Though I do wish I had put Carlton Hill first and its all mixed with feelings of not really wanting my wee child to get put into that whole Education System thing.  At least not just yet.  Maybe when he is 8?  That would be better.....  OH well.  What can you do.

All went well with People Who Do today with Channel 4 clients.  They are all extremely happy with the work we have done.  It felt good.  More presentation tomorrow.  I need to get up early to prepare for that.  So wish me luck!!

ps. anyone else watching Borgen? Watched it on catch up just now.