I have no idea.

Ah.  So .  £5000.  seriously i have no idea exactly HOW I can make that happen.  Its a lot of money on my current day rate.  I don't exactly know how I can earn MORE than my day rate.  I wonder if I can include my husband's earnings and hope that he manages to pull off some cool highly paid job.  He gets paid by the job. So its more possible.  I guess I ought to look at getting paid by the job.  Somehow.  It probably has to be art in someway.  Ah Universe.  Perhaps you can also provide me with the insight on how to do it.  Unless I just buy a lottery ticket.

So right now I am sitting in a brand new, bright red (well, black with HUGE bright red roses all over it) cocktail dress.  Our whole family is off to a wedding at 5pm.  And in the meantime I have a catch up call to make for work.

I want to write about work.  I am not sure what I can and can't write.  But I think I am OK in writing that the workshop I deliver is going to become much more spontaneous, improvisational and responsive to the needs that come up from whoever we are working with on the day.  This both excites and terrifies me.  It is definitely the right way to go.  And yet, having just learnt and become confident delivering the workshop as it exists (which already is fairly improvised, but has a structure to adhere to and a specific aim by the end of the day) it feels like being blown back to square 2.  Not square 1!! I am definitely more confident than I was 2 years ago. But it reminds me of a Pema Chodron quote....of which I am only able to paraphrase -  it goes something like this... Being aware, awake mindful. (enlightened?) is to be continually thrown out of the nest.

I know I am growing, because it is uncomfortable.  I know my mission, self administered, is to go out of my comfort zone.....so, I am on course!!

But I am also finding it difficult to sleep, my mind if whirring so.  I know that if I spend a day or two really working out, and thinking through, common sense approaches I can use, then I will feel better.  But so far I just am nibbling at the edges of things, and worrying at it rather.  Like a dog bothering sheep.  Not really herding them up and getting them in the pen, but just chasing things around the field.

But I spose this is how things are, at the edge of creating things.  Its the unknown, its the drive that pushes us forward.  It is actually exciting.  Nervous and excited are often the exact same physical sensations.  Just a case of looking at it the right way.

I am teaching quite a lot of yoga over the next few weeks.  And that has given me the opportunity to teach creatively and responding to what I find (last week I had two people in their 60s who were new to yoga, someone who had arthiritis in their wrists and someone who was unable to do down face dog due  to dizzy spells - bang went the lesson plan!)

And then Bub and I are off to stay on a boat near Bristol.  His school doesn't go back until the 6th.  I am quite looking forward to getting some more clear time. 

commitment and intention

OK so I went to an interesting talk at The Wild School about making your living as an artist.  And the notion of intention came up.  And how if you really and truly intend something then you can manifest it happening.  So myself and a chap called Dave made the intention to earn £5000 before the end of September.  It feels like a lot.  But hey.  Why not.  Hey Universe.  This is my intention.  To earn £5000 before the end of September. 

Its definitely more than I normally make.  So I am going to have to invite some magic in from somewhere to get this achieved. 

But if you don't intend....... then how.  So.  Intention written down and OUT THERE. 

If I need to be more specific.  Then I want to earn it by creative and enjoyable means.  And I don't mind working hard this September.  I have the hours.  October and November can be less hours filled.  But September I can work.  Bring it.

@diagonaldave  we're on.

Back from Holidays

Ah, I had a lovely time in France.  It was very very quiet.  We did nothing much more than make and eat lunch and dinner.  A tiny bit of shopping for lunch and dinner and a tiny bit of paddling in the river.  Really.  That was about it. The boys played.  We cooked, ate and cleared up afterwards.  I also drank lots of wine.  Hence am returned and am going dry for - as long as I can.  I do like to have a glass of wine on holiday.  There is something about drinking at lunch time which is only allowed on holiday.  And so I did.  And the evening too.  Good french cheese deserves good french wine.  And while good company does not need wine, its still bloody nice to drink it, outside, listening to the rush of water over the weir. 

And so back to Brighton, to reality and to tidying up and being healthy!

My office seems like some kind of tip.  I was sure i had left it tidy, but never the less it feels piled up with post that has arrived, and the stuff that needs sorting feels  - it feels like a lot.  It also comes with the school holidays and not having so much time to sit and do all the admin stuff.  I have horrible amounts of receipts and accounting type stuff to process.  Or at least it feels like that.  I will undoubtedly take me much less time than I fear.  But still.  Currently it lurks.

I have a yoga class to teach tomorrow morning (must prepare for that.....) and a hen do to go to as of 5.30pm tomorrow.  Kareoke followed by a meal.  And Sunday is a day trip to a park with a school friend of Bub and his family. 

Monday I get to do stuff (getting my ducks in a row mostly) and Tuesday am back to work.  Wednesday and Thursday means days in London.  Friday admin and phone calls.  And the wedding for that hen do.  Hub says he is coming.  Guess it will be a family outing.  Blimey.  What to wear!???  ah another thing to think about. 

Its still not the end of the summer holidays after next weekend.  I am thinking of taking Bub on a trip to visit friends who moved to Bristol, and who live on a boat. Should be fun. 

The whole 29 gifts thing fell right by the wayside. Though I do think of giving and receiving more because of it.  And I read a marvellous book about Living Your Yoga while on holiday.  OH OH AND i sat and thought.  and got creative.  and thought about art and themes and creativity and my art.  I am very excited by two ideas in particular.  One is about starlings and the other is about a paper theatre. 

Today I went to a lovely class about marketing for creatives.  or maybe it was creative marketing.  but mainly I had a chat with people about paper theatres and puppets.  Which is some sort of recurring theme for me at the moment. 

actually  a lot happened today.  too much to go into here.  but art and money was at the heart of it all. 

day 6

Nope.  No gifts today.  Not conscious or joyous ones anyways. I did go to the allotment, even though I didn't want to.  I made meals, I dropped glasses off, even though I didn't have to.  I didn't feel the love though.  Not at the time.  I did it anyway.  Which surely is not quite the same thing.  I even spent the whole evening watching re runs of America's Next Top Model.  I think my day didn't pan out as I wanted it to.  Nothing bad happened.  And I was actually super generous with my time and being helpful.  But I kind of over did it.  And it wasn't particularly gracious.
I definitely have to start again tomorrow.  Unless I give myself the benefit of the doubt.  Give myself one crap day.  its an option. 

day 5. start again

I forgot all day about this. The giving mallarky. Although Secret Salad Society is a gift for the world.  And I treated my Hub with a beautiful brunch.  But it wasn't conscious.  Although, I did know I was going to treat him, I knew he would like it.  Well he asked actually, so it was a pleasure to fulfil his request. 

I can't tell you how much I am totally enjoying preparing food at the moment.  The Secret Salad Society has totally reconnected me with the joy of food.  Deliciousness.  Savouring.  Delighting. 

There was talk at Salad Club tonight of the follow on Pudding Club..... with much oohing and ahing and licking of lips at the prospect. 

This morning I went to Charlie Davis's workshop.  How to Have a Very Clear Idea.  Rather marvellous.  A series of questions that would distill whether your idea, was a good one or not. 

My major take away   - was keep it simple.  My idea, How to Be A Cool Old Lady.  Well it wasn't exactly sure what it was.  And at the end of the day - the only reason it got unsure of what it was, was because I was trying to make it bigger, or make it fit in, with some big idea or a career or some such answer to the worlds problems.   Where as in fact.  Its just for me.  Its my take on what being a cool old lady is.  And you don't actually have to be old.  Just not young. Its not about the bright young things.  Its about the bright older women.  Who rock. 

Like ID for old people.  Pictures of real Cool Old Ladies with interviews. 

Simply in my opinion.  It may not be a great idea.  But its clear now.  It always was really.  I just started trying to make it relevent to the world.  Or profitable in someway. 

Keep it simple.  Do it anyway.  Ya know.  Yup.  So the very clear idea notion.  Is that if it clear it will flow. 

The Salad Society.  That is a clear idea.  And that works.  It knows what it is. 

Tomorrow I will start the day with a giving style meditation. 

day 4 . shrink it

Take it down a notch.  That's all.  Lets not make this hard or tricky or difficult. 

Today I gave a coin to the charity box in Pret.  It wasn't much but i was at least doing it consiously. 

Am done with 3 days up in London delivering the do:work course to an awesome bunch of marketeers and then seeing folk who have done the do:work  course for their one week catch up.  Its a pleasure but it does knacker me out!!

I have been blessed to have had meals on the table when I get in.  Its seriously nice I must say.  And now I am looking forward to not having to get up at a very very early hour and have a bit of a chill day.

Me and Hub are off to The Wild School for a short course called A Very Clear Idea.  Which has appealed to me ever since a fellow of my Yoga School told me about it, which was where I discovered the Creative with Money course... and indeed The Wild School.  Like its all come around. 

Its Secret Salad Society tomorrow.....  time to check out some recipes

day 3

its getting tricky.  I wasn't' really conscious of this project today.  I had to work all day today.  long long hours if you include the commute.  I woke up too early (damn seagulls) at 4.30ish and left the house at before 6am.  Got back after 7.30pm.  Hub cooked me dinner.  Bub had learnt to ride a bike.  He was soooo proud.  And hub managed to get a little video of him doing it which Bub was practically bouncing out of his skin to share with me.  So adorable.

Maybe I could front the biscuits myself today.  Does that work as a gift.  Don't know.  I don't think so.  I think I need to make it a consious act.  If I can't get a gift together before bed time then I am back to day 1 tomorrow. 

Though she did write that receiving was part of the flow, the process, the exchange....  And if that is the case then I was cooked a delightful meal.  Thank you Hub.  It is glorious to have a meal cooked and on the table when you get in after a hard days work.

Work was goooood today though.  It went really smoothly and everyone got to the right point at the right points in the day.  I was able to give more information about parts of the course, which I sometimes dont get around to until the one to one parts.  And nicely everyone is around exactly one week later for the catch ups.  All on one day. Sorted. 

And check this out.  I posted up on The Wild School about wanting to build a paper theater.  Turns out that someone's brother is an artist.  And he is gotten well into.