grrr three days running

Ho hum. its day 3 of my FUNK and I am not doing well at kicking it.  Ouch it must be a deep one.  SO. still following the delightful 100 things to do when you're sad (Oh dear am wondering if I am some sort of manic depressive - see worrying.... stop it!) I am going to think about some simple practical steps to make the situation better.

1. stop worrying.  everything will work out fine and the universe is on my side.
2.  Think of things that I love, and am grateful for..... such as Bub - he is healthy, how lucky is that! He gets a cold every so often, but seriously the boy has healthy genes.  Brighton is a great little town and I am making some really lovely friends here. The interest rates are low at the moment which means that we are OK with our mortgage interest payments. hmm, what else is good that I am grateful for.  I have a whizzy lovely computer.  I am lucky to have kept my old mobile which means I don't have to buy a new one.  My friend gave me a charger so I have 2 now (that I bought one on ebay yesterday too)  I have very strong legs.  I can cook.  We have a roof over our heads and food in the cupboard.  Bub has gone around to his friends this afternoon.  I am so glad that M and I have this swap arrangement.  Its great to have the time.  My husband loves me (even though I am miss grump at the moment) and he isn't about to leave me in the lurch.  He is trying to improve his diet and has cut out sweets and bread.  I have  apart time job in a gallery until Christmas.  I have some recruitment work to do which is worth about £500. 

Kicking Sundays

I took Bub to Lewes on Sunday and we went to Bills and ate glorious food.  I also had a most delicious bloody mary. I have for the most part kicked the resentment out.  But it does still lurk around.  I wish things were different.  But they are not.  But I wish it.  See.  Lurking.  It is not anything I can do anything about.  Apart from, say, change how much I care.  Or really, its a case of trying to kick the bad feelings out in as quick a time as possible.  The big treat nosh up at Bills (oh I LOVE that place) did help a lot.   Thing is, being as how I tend to be, one bad thing can lead to a whole host of bad thoughts,  and I then tend to wallow around in hideous self pity.  Hey, at least I recognise it! 

some affirmations....

I am making progress with my art ambitionsI feel inspired by other artists.
I am very together and focused  and going places
My dreams are within reach
I  love my husband
my family are easy to like. I am  likeable
I am rich
our house is good order and tidy and lovely
Hub is slim and fit and takes excersise and does not get type  2 diabetes
I am in control of my own destiny

grrr.  KICK!!

ah, speaking of goals and stuff Team Next Step or Moving Forward.  Damn what was that name?  Anyway, its still happening and pretty impressively achieved despite the Snow Day.

This week I have got my business cards in my hand (and handed out to folk - at least 10)
I have printed out my work and get 10 laminates done for the show on Wednesday
I have finished the painting in the sitting room
I have finished a final to show E version of H and O
I have recruited at least 4 people to Hub's focus group (50 - 60 yr olds, young at heart, outgoing, articulate, online shoppers..... in Brighton....  know anyone suitable? let me know!) 

That is my side of the bargain of Moving it Forward.  Hub has his own list.  Last time I felt like this (it comes in cycles evidently) I started a right GIVE UP SUGAR for a week.  I don't know what ever it is that means I stop obsessing about things that upset me, that I can do nothing about.... that is the thing.  SO OK  Magic.  I want help from the Universe and I want a boost and I will give up Sugar.   

things I love sunday

It was a crap day yesterday.  like some sort of hangover from the glorious good times of the snow.  all was so delightfully well in my world then BANG.  Back to square one and the age old bug bear of my current life.  No details this time, chaps.  And you know, I don't want to write a moany old post trying to justify my position and feel right about things.  Its not a case of that.  The case is I feel crap about something very dear to my heart and there is nothing I can do about it, apart from not care quite so much.  That would help.... but I find that too hard.  SO INSTEAD I found this post
100 things to do to kick a bad day into the distance

Thank you Gala, Darling.  And firstly.  Right now.  I am going to list the things I love. RIght now.

I love my gorgeous son - more and more each day and more than anything
I love snow days - whoop it was fun
I love our wee little house
I love my family
I love musicals, especially ones I know the words to, so that I can sing along, badly or loudly or however when I do the hoovering
I love the little Christmas tree sitting outside,
I love getting a cup of tea in bed

a random todo list

do an online grocery shop for all those things which we have run out of
finish G's laundry bag
get ready for the Dec 8th show where my work will be on display
do another drawing of H and O
get the wall painted by SUn pm
list something on ebay

there.  that should keep me going for a bit.  I worked in the gallery today.  It was very quiet.  I actually got rather bored.  I hope its busier the next time I work there. Its all very well thinking, oh great I can read my book, but time went really really slowly and I felt a bit woozy headed and odd from doing so much nothing!  Hub and Bub came in to see me.  What a total joy it was to see them!  You know I can't quite get over how much I love my son.  I almost love all children because of him.  Seeing the little people trot past with their parents, all togged up in snow gear, my heart melted.  And then my smiling precious boy walks in. So happy to see me.  What  a total and utter JOY that is.

snow is amazing

Today; no one went to work, there were no cars, people roamed freely with smiles on their faces, pulling sledges of smiling children behind them, grown men and women wandered around in groups, covered in snowball debris and laughing, half of playgroup were in the pub before lunchtime (drinking coffee) and at 4pm (drinking wine and beer), the pub was filled with raucous children running and playing through the sea of legs,  friendships with neighbours were cemented,  here and there folk were armed with spades, clearing the pavements for the whole street for no reason other than to be helpful.  And right at the end of it, my thought was lost iphone was found and we watched an awesome documentary about Bill Hicks. What a ride. It was a really good day.

and for those who didn't get to it before youtube hauled it for its nudity.....


Matt Whistler's Merry Christmas 2010 Southover Street Brighton from Convict Films on Vimeo.

snow just does things to people.  I love where I live!  Rock on Hanover, Brighton!

MORE snow!!!

Its a total snow day here.  It feel like a good 8 inches of snow fell last night.  Its so snowy that I am not even standing in for the gallery owner and working in town while she is stuck in the country, because we are all snowed in.  Hub and Bub and I went down the hill (so silent, no cars!) to the local pub  / coffee bar and hung out with half the playgroup this morning.  It was great.  But check this You Tube clip to see what some folk were getting up to in our neighbourhood last night.  It does contain nudity, so don't watch it if naked men are too much for you!

snow.... and work

The snow has finally hit the south.  Its not that heavy in Brighton proper, but the surroundings are deeply hit. And as such the Gallery owner is snowed in and I have some extra shifts at the Blue Dog Gallery.   So since last tuesday, apart from the weekend I have been working fulltime!  everyday!   The one thing that is a bit of an annoyance is that tomorrow was going to be a day for me to do my work.  As in the portrait commission I have to do and - admin I have to do.  And I was going to be able to work on my dreams journal.  But it is good to be earning money in such a nice way.  

The whole project Next Step is working really well.  The Next Step with that is to do a Goals and Dreams list for the year, so that we can bear this in mind while taking mini steps each week.

I am keeping remembering and reminding myself that MAGIC EXISTS and that The Universe is ON MY SIDE.  Its a good thought.  One thing that is not on my overt wish list, but which is coming true, is the way Hub is getting really involved with our life here in BRighton.  I guess it was a lot to do with the commuting that was taking up all of his time.  But he has come along to all the birthday parties that Bub's friends are having.  And talked with lots of the people there.  And basically just gotten stuck in; helping cook the pizzas, talking to the other dads etc.  He even ran my playgroup when I was working last week.  Chatting to the mums and making tea, washing up and all.  This might sound ridiculous that he wasn't, but it IS my dream that he IS doing it.  I just LOVE him for it.  He used to shy away from it on various grounds.  I am loving his involvement. LOVING it.